by savinobarile In the wee hours of one cold October night, I was at what I thought was rock bottom. I had just failed my HCOL 366: Sustainability in Baroque Music fired from my post at Northern Lights. My girlfriend… Read More ›
cooler
I miss you, charlie brown
by jayceslesar The only words I have right now are “:(“. It is 2:20 on this painfully sober Monday afternoon and I still haven’t come to my senses since I heard the news. I am sad to pass on the… Read More ›
haunt me?
by sophiespencer Like some people want a dog, I want a ghost. Not a scary ghost, throwing tables and chairs and knives, but a friendly one-—think Casper. My ghost would leave me little fridge notes, *note to self: buy scrabble… Read More ›
the five stages of getting up to pee in the night
by grantwoods Denial: You are just working yourself into a panic, it’s just the distant cry of maybe-pee. You haven’t been staying hydrated anyway. The water here has more iron in it than Tony Stark’s ejaculate. It’s just the water… Read More ›
NO FINGERING in central dining hall
by a concerned catamount Discontent has been rampant on Central Campus after an anonymous faculty member erected a sign in the Central Campus Dining Hall stating, “After you finish eating please NO FINGERING; to make room for your friends to… Read More ›
i crave rat
by moiramahoney I want a rat. I’ve wanted a rat for weeks. That’s my deep dark confession. And when your loneliness and depression manifest in wanting a small rodent to hold, you begin to shamefully stalk rat-focused accounts on Tiktok…. Read More ›
my mother is a twitter troll
by elizaligon I want you to read that headline, then read it again. Know that this is a true story. My mother got on Twitter around the time I did. Yes, she was one of those “you can have Twitter,… Read More ›
kelly’s smart bullshit
by kellyduggan The beginning of the fall semester is always a tug-of-war between old and new. A fresh start always brings excitement for new teachers, new notebooks, new outfits, and new friends–yet the mere notion of “back-to-school” always… Read More ›
10 ways to bring your uber passenger rating up
by fishfish 1. Carry a cutting board on you at all times to chop and dice up some aromatics to fill the car with a more natural smell. Drivers especially love it when you hold thyme up to their noses… Read More ›
mom, our new dad is here
a promotion from a water tower sponsor by kylemac I personally have always been jealous of the boy in my 8th grade english class whose step-dad brings in an extra large cheese pizza from Gino’s for his lunch. I’ve also… Read More ›