Author Archives
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the cyber cafe has risen again
by catherinefauver and sophiewolfe Cathy: As new 4th years, Sophie and I have seen UVM through many stages of insanity related to the way that the university handled COVID, and one of the true horrors that the pandemic brought was the… Read More ›
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we’re so back (in billings)
by maliajaffrani Once again, the last weekend of August has rolled around to face us. Our lulling summer days are over, and school has begun. For the past three years, I have tried every spot on campus to find a… Read More ›
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letter from the co-eds
Dear Catamounts, We are proud to announce the launch of Volume 27 of The Water Tower. It is an honor to join the 27 Club. This Volume will be unlike any Volume before, operating at decibels the population of greater… Read More ›
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the news in brief
school. it’s what’s on the menu The new school year is here! Students drag themselves to lectures and play 2048; professors see the red eyes in the student body; the administration doesn’t listen; freshmen are confused; seniors are disenfranchised. The… Read More ›
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the boy who cried “jimmy carter is dead”
by oedipussy PLAINS, GA– Jimmy Carter is reportedly still very much alive. Born in 1924, The Peanut President will, god-willing, be turning 99 in October, making him the longest-living president in the United States. And, like many other 19-year-old girls,… Read More ›
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a biased review of spikeball
by oedipussy Everybody knows it, everybody’s played it, and everybody has argued with a white man in a backward hat and salmon shorts about it. The game: spikeball, The objective: to slap a yellow ball at the ground without looking… Read More ›
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circumcision: not all what it’s cut out to be
by danalavender Circumcision is possibly one of the longest standing tragedies known to mankind. It is simultaneously empowering and emasculating, a connector of the populace while being its darkest, most tragic secret. And that lack of knowledge can lead to… Read More ›
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things that should have been addressed in the barbie movie
by pucylowell The need to carry around excessively large water bottles The pain of breaking in new docs Queerness Why grippies (the pencil holder things) aren’t normalized for college use Girl Dinner (noun; an assortment of very random, strange… Read More ›
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timmy and kylie
by mak Timothée Chalamet and Kylie Jenner were spotted canoodling at Queen B’s concert on the 5th. While both are incredibly successful individuals, usually a tell-tale sign of the beginnings of a power couple, it is said that their coming… Read More ›
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beat the heat: a guide to north beach
by titty.tino Ah yes, you’re planning to visit Burlington, Vermont, how exciting! Oh. You want to spend some time at North Beach Park, or even camp there for a few days? Nice. Well, after spending many a summer day atop… Read More ›