by jayceslesar

The only words I have right now are “:(“. It is 2:20 on this painfully sober Monday afternoon and I still haven’t come to my senses since I heard the news. I am sad to pass on the announcement that any Charlie Brown specials will only be on AppleTV. The company bought the rights to the media and will now feature it on the platform instead of ABC for free every year. I have many emotions about this floating around my general headspace as of now, but the most prominent are just “why?”, “what the heck?!?”, “my parents don’t want to/know how to get this streaming on AppleTV!”. Instead of watching the Great Pumpkin special in my living room with my dogs around the wood stove with my family, it will probably be watched on my phone in my bed with headphones on, breaking many cycles of tradition of the Great Pumpkin, as well as the Thanksgiving and Christmas Charlie Brown specials. Honestly, why couldn’t corporate America do us some justice and leave Charlie Brown alone

Moving forward, I offer some coping methods to get your anger and other heartfelt emotions out.

1. Ditching your iPhone for an Android – good for you if you pull it off, Apple won’t care and I hope you aren’t single because greentext.
2. Plug your phone into your TV or stream from AppleTV to a normal TV or something – 100% the most logical solution so yeah.
3. Don’t watch it in protest – definitely a stupid move, this stuff is good content don’t cut it short.
4. Buy AppleTV –  lol u frikin sellout
5. Have your own Charlie Brown halloween special, idk where to get a pumpkin patch though
6. Cry
7. Piracy – If it is on the internet and you pay for the internet access, it’s yours!
8. Never turn on another electronic media device again (fr social media is trash)

These are just a few of infinite ways to deal with Charlie Brown specials not being on regular TV this year. Maybe we can even learn something from corporate America taking this art piece away from us and move forward with our lives knowing that we lost a small freedom but gained knowledge and peace in the fact that Apple is making money off of it now *happy emoji*. I know for a fact that I learned something as I will no longer be anxiously waiting for the Great Pumpkin like in the special, I will be starring in a mirror praising Apple as I do multiple times a week, consuming the knowledge that the Apple News feed gives me. Is it brainwashing? No, it’s the plague of consumerism.

Cheers fellow friends, have a safe Halloween.

Categories: cooler, jayce slesar, November 3, 2020