airports have bars???

by owencarpenter-zehe

I have come to a strange realization. There is a specific aspect of common life experience, that I just have not experienced yet; I have never experienced what it’s like to drink at an airport. It took me until I was twenty years to realize the sheer volume of bars there are at airports. They are everywhere, scattered around, so that you would never need to walk more than thirty steps before finding another one.

I have been exploring airport terminals my whole life. My mom traveled with me on a plane while I was a one-year-old. Thinking about it now, there has probably never been a year of my life where I have not been on an airplane at least twice. I have spent many hours of my life, strolling through Hudson news’, and looking at expensive sit-down restaurants, usually named something like “The Sky Pit.” But now that I am an adult, with my adult eyes, I’ve become more observant of my adult surroundings. Hence, I have finally seen the hundreds upon thousands of bars, always filled with patrons, that one walks past when trying to make a tight connection. 

It makes sense, the airport is notorious for its lawlessness. Once you’re beyond the grimy scanners of TSA, you will experience the most amount of freedom anyone can experience in their modern life. The airport is the only place where it is acceptable for a grown adult to get drunk at 7 am, be rude to a gate agent, and be furious at children. As an adult, there is no expectation of them at an airport. People traveling for business can forget their work issues for a few hours; until they reach their business class seat and then must type many things onto their business laptops. Or parents forgetting about their left children at home, as they watch American Sniper, or Eat Pray Love on their iPads. Only to point and laugh at the parents who were stupid enough to bring their children with them on the trip. It makes perfect sense that drinking would be an integral part of the adult airport experience. If you are free from all restrictions in your life, why not attempt to forget your newfound freedom the next day with BOOZE!.

Now I just sit there, at my gate, in those horrible blue chairs, looking at all the adults who are getting screwdrivers or scotch on the rocks at 11 am. THEY DON’T EVEN BUY MORNING DRINKS.  I like to now sit and guess which adult passing by is going to sit down at the bar. Turns out… it’s all of them. 

With the advent of this iPad, games, and food bullshit happening at airports, it’s made it even easier to get alcohol. Quick aside, I hate those stupid iPads they have at United and American terminals in major airline hubs. The ones in Newark were disgusting and took a picture of your face every time you tried to use one. But either way, now adults don’t even need to stand up to get a drink, they can just have one delivered.

Until recently there was also a “to-go” cup at every bar in the airport. I remember being a child and seeing hundreds upon hundreds of small, clear plastic cups tossed around every corner, or should I say, long hallway of the airport; as airports tend to not have many corners. This practice, however has ceased as because of of the stupid FAA. They have, “asked airports to curb the sales of alcohol in “to go” cups, stating that it emboldens passengers to consume alcohol onboard and contributes to the rise in poor behavior onboard.” But like duh that’s kind of the point of drinking in an airport. Also, they don’t want people drinking on board and yet, I see the grandma in seat 25c pounding fireball shooter after fireball shooter while reading her romance novels. I get it, the plane is crazy:its stupid loud: the air feels crusty and vapid: People want relief, but unfortunately the “to go” cups are no longer. I guess when I finally become of legal drinking age i’ll just have to sit at an actual at a stupid bar when i need a nice tall glass of Guinness at 7:30 am. 

I have seen the true potential of an experience at an airport, I hope to become one of those adults soon. I hope to someday be one of those businessmen, or those parents. I want to be those adults who get to feel the true power of the airport. You never feel as grimy as you do in an airport, but you never feel as free either. As a wise person once said, “drink at an airport,” and I will follow these words.

Categories: April 12, owen carpenter, side bar