sir cumcision and his knights of the uncuttable

By merlinwhocame

In this article, when I say circumcision: 

  1. I am not speaking about people who are circumcised for religious or cultural reasons
  2. I am speaking about people who are circumcised exclusively out of personal preference, specifically in the US

Intactivism can be a humorous, thought provoking conversation that can very quickly devolve into antisemitismic and islamaphobic discourse. Intactivism defined by Wikipedia, “The advocacy of a right to genital integrity, i.e., the right of a person to not be subjected to involuntary, nontherapeutic modification of their genitals… [which] may also extend to supporting protection of intersex people against involuntary gender reassignment and other nontherapeutic genital surgeries,” is pretty dope! So long as this conversation does not devalue the religious and cultural traditions of marginalized individuals. When you read ahead, and intactivist conversation perhaps is sparked in your social circles, let’s all keep this in mind! 

A few weeks ago I found a new type of guy: an uncircumcised guy who was really passionate about being uncircumcised. At least I thought this was a new type of guy. The FBI agent in my phone overheard this conversation and my twitter feed was subsequently pumped with inactivist rhetoric. This was not a new type of guy, singular; but a new archetype of guy. There is an entire community of people who have lots of tweets to say about what should be done with foreskin. 

I had never considered circumcision in any complex way before this. Candidly, I don’t think I have ever actually considered it. Brain foreskin free since ‘93. Not my head tho ayoooo. 

I don’t have a penis, I’ve never had a baby to consider circumcising, and even though I have had sex with multiple people with penises, I can only confirm with absolute certainty the foreskin status of one person. I’ve googled “circumcised vs. uncircumcised penis” for a medically illustrative example tens of times. I’m constantly forgetting which one has the hood and which one doesn’t. In short, I don’t know what circumcision is. Let’s go! 

The argument for circumcision that my 5th grade sex ed spewed was “circumcision makes penises easier to clean,” but I never actually considered how to clean a penis either. Three wikihow articles later and I am still not quite sure. How do you clean a penis?? I think a little, penile sized toilet bowl brush would be efficient. 

I’m not alone in this cir-confusion. At around the ripe age of 77 years old Sir Patrick Stewart, believing that he was circumcised, had a disagreement with his then wife. She told him he was uncircumcised. His doctor confirmed her assessment. That’s wild!!! QE2 reknighted him Sir Uncumcision shortly thereafter. 

I have been doing some ground research as well, surveying friends who, like me, do not have a penis and have sex with people who have penises, and what they knew to be true about penises. One informed me that you needed to “pull back the hood” before penetration for “it to work.” Another declared that her ex-boyfriend grew his kombucha scobies under his foreskin. So UVM! A group of four people without penises just think tanked that blue balls is actually fake. Is it just a tactic to guilt a partner into sex to relieve blue balls? Is it? Oh my god. 

Thinking about intactivism has opened up an entirely different can of worms. I don’t understand foreskin. Maybe I should read a book or something. Maybe I should practice looking my partner’s penises in the eye more often. Would that be hot? Or not? Unnerving? Maybe I need a little ;)))) educating ;))))) 

But seriously. If anyone has any article recommendations send them to I’d like to read. 

Categories: April 12, news