By danalavender BURLINGTON, VT—Halloween has historically been a holiday of great caution for parents as a dangerous environment for our local children. But forget kidnapping, forget clown murders, forget fentanyl! There’s a new monster on the loose. Local children… Read More ›
dana lavender
circumcision: not all what it’s cut out to be
by danalavender Circumcision is possibly one of the longest standing tragedies known to mankind. It is simultaneously empowering and emasculating, a connector of the populace while being its darkest, most tragic secret. And that lack of knowledge can lead to… Read More ›
a friendship application playlist
by danalavender If you were to stop me outside the Davis Center and ask me to name any song from Taylor Swift’s critically acclaimed Midnights, I would laugh before darting away faster than Ezra Miller on vacation. To put it… Read More ›
politics and potatoes: idaho election newsflash
by danalavender I am, according to my roommate, an “Idahoe”. And while they may be correct (I’m now comfortable showing off my shoulders???), it still stings nonetheless. You see, the problem with you New England Patriots is that you have… Read More ›
nipplemore: a tragic poem
by danalavender Once upon an autumn morning, as the wind blew signs forewarning,Galavanting, through trodden path, cobblestone and frat booze, I,And my Roommate, walking stedfast, on our way to Grundle Breakfast,Stopped to gaze at awing landscape, verdant mountains, mist awry…. Read More ›
my boobs are better than yours!
by danalavender Boobs. Breasts. Titties, even. Since the dawn of humanity, the Universe hath bestowed upon us these nippley, warm flesh bags. And since the dawn of my consciousness, I have craved them. On me. My chest. Attached to me…… Read More ›