by addisonschwarz & edenambrovich The autumn winds have shifted into winter snowfall, and with the bitter cold biting our skin, we embark on the end of this scholastic chapter. While most of you will be continuing your journey here at… Read More ›
wt staff
new business class just dropped
by paigemann
lawmakers advance in renaming the state formerly known as “connecticut”
by XjerseymamasX WASHINGTON D.C—On one fateful Tuesday, last April, Lawmakers voted unanimously to rename the state formerly known as, “Connecticut.” The Constitution State has been left nameless since its fate was sealed in the chambers of congress last spring,… Read More ›
wet aid got us soaked!
by catquest Approximately 3 weeks ago, the greatest event to grace the city of Burlington had its second run. That’s right, Wet Aid 2! This time even wetter and with twice the music! That’s right, on November 15th, the Water… Read More ›
jared leto climbs the empire state building
by owencarpenter-zehe NEW YORK CITY, NY—The Water Tower News Important News Division,—Jared Leto, famed Gucci suit spokesperson, climbed the Empire State Building on Thursday, November 9th, 2023. This is important news. Mr. Leto performed this stunt to promote the new… Read More ›
evil bong: reloaded
by m477r1c3 My headlights break through a deep fog as I head towards the third highest point in Nelson County, Kentucky. I pass by Pappy Cecil Lane, the last turnaround before I get to a house tainted by a… Read More ›
girlington: how uvm gender disparities are affecting men
by maliajaffrani In a shocking turn of events, CBS news has released an article pertaining to the University of Vermont’s incoming class of 2027 has sparked controversy among the male population on campus. The reason? Well, brace yourselves: 69% of… Read More ›
did black friday beat the mid allegations? (no)
by zachmoss What a time to be alive. Your inbox is completely slammed with endless promotions from companies that are desperate for your last few dollars. You are even getting emails from companies that you swore you unsubscribed from (yah,… Read More ›
anew neighbor in millis
by peniskraemer A couple of weeks ago, a resident of the fourth floor in Millis heard a loud voice say “open up, we know you’re in there”. What on earth could have been going on? It turns out a new… Read More ›
new season of uk government just dropped
by jaketc LONDON, UK—The writers of the BBC drama United Kingdom shocked audiences when they recently unveiled the return of Season 1 villain, David Cameron. The most recent series has garnered much criticism for its illogical plotlines and cruel narratives,… Read More ›