by politicalfish Is this betrayal? Have I been made the fool? Unfortunately dear readers, I cannot say for sure, because I fear that it is all of us who have been hoodwinked, bamboozled, and caught in the lies of our… Read More ›
wilt
idk some phone numbers
by wtstaff The phone call is a lost art in the 21st century. We are dumb kids and while we are texting, we never do what our mother says and, “just call them, make yourself known.” Here at The Water… Read More ›
man’s greatest desire – caveman
by sophiewolfe Though the gender binary is becoming increasingly irrelevant to contemporary life in the 21st century, once upon a time in the world before straight dudes started wearing chipped black nail polish to signify their complete security in their… Read More ›
my strange addiction: alcohol
by grantwoods We arrived at the house of the man I’d yet to meet at a quarter to two, many hours before happy hour, in Columbus, Ohio. It was the strangest addiction I had yet to meet, an alcohol addict…. Read More ›
cryptbrocurrency: my brother the nft aficionado
by marquettazuckerberg I have an older brother who was gracious enough to speak with me about his involvement with NFTs and cryptocurrency. He wishes to remain anonymous as he is rather ashamed of the environmental impact of NFTs. I have… Read More ›
we need more michael myers films
by hanspotter With the latest Halloween movie hitting box offices across the country this fall, I – and I know you as well – have been left thinking only one thing: this story could use some more flair. Well, luckily… Read More ›
kids aren’t homophobic, they just don’t get it
by mattmcgotty Recently, I began working at an afterschool program for elementary kids and it’s basically the only consistently interesting thing that has been happening to me recently. That, and the string of ghosts my mom just sent me, but… Read More ›
how to maximize steps on a night out
by grantwoods There’s an ancient idiom that says that it is not one’s destination, but one’s journey. Every night out is, conservatively, three quarters composed of what occurs outside of the sweaty, seedy basement. The basement is the only part… Read More ›
wilt: i am not alone (cw: sa)
by anonymous Originally, I planned to do a more light-hearted article for this section. However, in light of the recent bravery of many others, I choose to share my story instead. I met this person in high school. We came… Read More ›
(i can’t quite recall) what i learned today
by fuhrgetminót On the 19th of April, year of our Lord, two thousand and twenty-one, in what can only be described as the reception of a gift from up on high, I achieved a breakthrough so utterly reality-shifting that I… Read More ›