by richardmilhousnixon Yesterday I received my official mail-in ballot for Burlington VT, Ward 6. I didn’t ask for one, but apparently I have one anyways. As I read the candidates, I noticed there were three positions open for Inspector of… Read More ›
february 22 2021
cdc: covid-19 not transmissible friend to friend
by savinobarile As the citizens of Wuhan float in EDM wave pools and the intelligentsia of Melbourne knock-back shoeys, the United States remains in the grips of the COVID-19 pandemic. As we approach the one-year anniversary of everything promised being… Read More ›
lindsay lohan: crypto queen
by lindsaylohan STAR-Y Linds 2,000 Bitcoin Hello Vermont College, this is movie actress Lindsey Lohan but my friends just call me LiLo. You are my friend and as friends I am here to bestow upon you some words of strength… Read More ›
lecturer by day, leather maestro by other times of day
by kelseydeemer Dr. Dylan Burns is a mean, lean, powerlifting machine, and if the brain were a muscle it’d be lifting double what his body can. With decades of lifting experience and a PhD in mechanical engineering this man is… Read More ›
volcel anthems: an unfuckable playlist
by wtstaff Fuck a boner jam. Here at the Water Tower we celebrate one sexual act, and one sexual act only: celibacy. In a tribute to UVM Virgins, here are the songs we find impossible to fuck to. Stay pure… Read More ›
the best tweenage dressing rooms in which to cry (pt.2)
by elizaligon 5. AMERICAN EAGLE Skinny scarves are everywhere. In your left hand is a pair of straight fit pre-distressed jeans and a blue polo with a small eagle on the chest. It’s comfortable to you, something of a uniform… Read More ›
you can’t get there from here
by jayceslesar Listen, if you think about it, there shouldn’t be any roads in the contiguous United States that aren’t connected in at least some way to any other road, unless you live on some military-esque compound or some cult… Read More ›
naked and afraid in redstone unlimited
by b.s. I had a nightmare, scratch that, a divine vision. I realized as I swiped my card at Simpson dining hall that I was completely naked, and at this point the line behind me was too long for me… Read More ›
rally cat do be pissing
by b.s. In a time of sheer uncertainty Complete despair and factlessness There is one simple truth Rally Cat pisses Like an infant out of the womb Rally Cat gently suckles Suresh’s tit Except Rally Cat is 18 years old… Read More ›
fruit & dicks
by salivapussy-eyes It is not often that I lament my lack of penis. More often than not, I find myself thankful that my genitalia is not particularly fragile in the face of aggression, nor are vaginas often the butt of… Read More ›