by owencarpenter-zehe The running theory in my house is that squirrels are living happily in the walls. Yes, squirrels. The cute woodland creatures have nested deep within the Victorian-era walls of our decrepit Burlington apartment. There is currently only circumstantial… Read More ›
by mattmcgotty “She got her masters in cuntology with a concentration in motherlogical studies from the university of servington.” As I stare at the Beyonce photo, entranced, I can’t help but be distracted by the outrageous caption looming over her… Read More ›
by waynegretsky She was a vampire. She was a vampire hunter. Can I make it any more obvious? The women-loving-women called and Netflix answered– First Kill was born. And by God if it wasn’t the second best Teen Lesbian… Read More ›
by paigemann I, like many of you I’m sure, was entranced by the new spooky flavor in the Central Dining Coca-Cola freestyle soda machine this halloween season. I was reluctant to try the new zero sugar mystery flavor soda due… Read More ›
by heinouswanus Jump scares. Gore. Blood. Masked murderers and suburban teens being stupid. When people think of horror that is what they think of. But I have something far scarier than any of that. Let me bring you back to… Read More ›
by dardarbinks It was a beautiful September Sunday morning, and SZA and I decided to go to the Burlington farmer’s market. We strolled through the fallen leaves, getting some air and letting our edge out. We were tapping apple pay… Read More ›
by abbiekopelowitz We don’t care to admit it, but we Jews are a judgmental crowd. We inherited this trait from the big man upstairs, who during our high holy holidays, judges our actions of the past year and decides if… Read More ›
by XjerseymamasX Faithful readers of the Water Tower may remember my brave coming out as a hey mamas lesbian on page 8 last spring. This coming out was marked with character development such as an eyebrow slit, overworn polo shirt,… Read More ›
by katlipari First of all, relax… it’s not like that. Here’s the story— this summer I got my wisdom teeth out. Classic, routine, normal, right? Well that is not so! I was very nervous. To start, the oral surgeon looked… Read More ›
by dorkin I walk slowly. My legs are short-ish, but I don’t make up for the difference with a quick pace or longer stride, I just remain in the back of the pack. It is an affliction that I grew… Read More ›