news in brief

the news in brief

George Santos This past Friday, the girls and the gays alike let out the resounding call “DIVA DOWN” as George Santos was expelled from the US House of Representatives. George will be remembered for his effortless cunty media presence and… Read More ›

news in brief

Daylight Savings Time: Time to Boycott Americans are angry and, like, so, so sad after the seasonal loss of daylight, resulting in a nationwide boycott of the time change. “We’re supposedly ‘saving daylight,’ but there are so many more normal… Read More ›

spooks in brief

Big Weekend For Party City Despite being a city of less than 50,000 people, Burlington demolished the stock at Party City. A party City P.R. representative has claimed, “This weekend saved the national company. People bought A LOT of 5ft… Read More ›

the news in brief

school. it’s what’s on the menu The new school year is here! Students drag themselves to lectures and play 2048; professors see the red eyes in the student body; the administration doesn’t listen; freshmen are confused; seniors are disenfranchised. The… Read More ›