by addisonschwarz & edenambrovich The autumn winds have shifted into winter snowfall, and with the bitter cold biting our skin, we embark on the end of this scholastic chapter. While most of you will be continuing your journey here at… Read More ›
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mid-semester slump
by maliajaffrani It is finally November. Happy semi-annual mid-semester slump! We have reached the time of year when 8:30 classes have become impossible, and 10:30s are pushing it. Don’t even get me started on 3:30 and 4:45 classes–those don’t… Read More ›
DAD denies report of monsters spotted under the bed
by connormurphy Water Tower Headquarters, Burlington, VT, 31 October 2023 The Water Tower News has been following the widespread circulation of reports of monsters hiding underneath the beds of children across the region. Witnesses have stated the presence of scratching… Read More ›
burlington’s naked truth
by bs Statistics in Burlington are on the rise. Yes, numbers writ large are going up. Populations, car vandalisms, average temperatures, and so on. It seems every day Burlington is experiencing *more*. Those things have all been written about—in fact… Read More ›
the cyber cafe has risen again
by catherinefauver and sophiewolfe Cathy: As new 4th years, Sophie and I have seen UVM through many stages of insanity related to the way that the university handled COVID, and one of the true horrors that the pandemic brought was the… Read More ›
election results: behind the curtain
by b.s. Today, Wednesday November 16, the nation is still settling from the excitement of the 2022 midterms. The fallout has been near nuclear and in this political climate, it is imperative that the informed citizen gets their election coverage… Read More ›
oops we sold our souls to tiktok
by elizaligon A pervasive demon lurks in our midst. Falling like a fog upon our campus, this is no monster that you can touch, smell, nor taste. It cannot be physically fought. Still, you can see it. You see it… Read More ›
here’s how the gravy gets made
by emmaburns This past week or so brought the exciting yet controversial arrival of Yung Gravy to the UVM Patrick Gym for Fallfest 2022. The YikYaks were mostly positive, the Instagram comments leaned towards vicious, and the student planners were… Read More ›
with great rally comes great responsibility
by matthaverty She’s asking questions again. When I signed on to do this I didn’t think I’d be living a lie for this long. It started as a way to get involved. A fun way for me to act out… Read More ›
i saw jeffrey epstein at bolton potholes
by philbern Truth is surely the first casualty in this ongoing war between misinformation and disinformation. As independent journalists, the public trusts us to report the real live facts on the ground that the lamestream media buries in its cavalcade… Read More ›