by owencarpenter-zehe NEW YORK CITY, NY—The Water Tower News Important News Division,—Jared Leto, famed Gucci suit spokesperson, climbed the Empire State Building on Thursday, November 9th, 2023. This is important news. Mr. Leto performed this stunt to promote the new… Read More ›
by maliajaffrani In a shocking turn of events, CBS news has released an article pertaining to the University of Vermont’s incoming class of 2027 has sparked controversy among the male population on campus. The reason? Well, brace yourselves: 69% of… Read More ›
by danalavender Guess who’s back and better than ever? Not fucking me! In 2022 my hopes were as high as Jared Leto on the Empire State Building. I was on the cusp of a B!! Carefully eyeing the Target… Read More ›
by theriddler Swag, Drip, and The Sauce. All important and needed factors in everyone’s daily life. In this month of giving thanks, It’s important to remember what really matters to a massive majority of Americans: Do you have swag?… Read More ›
by m477r1c3 not all noise is words and not all words are music and not all music is good. these are fundamental truths we all need to live by. i love noise! when i get high, i love noise even… Read More ›
by sesameseeds The thought of a strap-on is terrifying – no matter who you are. Lewd thoughts of a thick, veined, plastic dick squirting lotion as fake cum, or of the dragon dick phenomenon taking over TikTok flooded my mind… Read More ›
by paigemann This is a love letter to Jeanne Mance. While some say living in Jeanne Mance is hell, I would say it is my heaven. Oh, my dear Jeanne Mance. While I have never stepped foot through her doors… Read More ›
by dardarbinks Remember the dude who wrote the song, “I play Pokemon Go every day?” Yeah, I am him, and he is I., and now, I’m officially unveiling my secret life as a Pokemon addict. I have two phones. One… Read More ›
by politicalfish WT: Hi Speaker of the House Michael Johnson, thank you for sitting down with me today. Mike Johnson: Die liberal scum. WT: Wow, terrible energy! Let’s get started. You were elected on October 25th after four… Read More ›