Author Archives

• an interview with @uvmknuctats

  By the water tower on April 6, 2020

  by kelseydeemer UVM twitter is a boisterous community of users specializing in what I can describe offbeat and exhaustingly unique humor. On February 23rd a noteworthy account became a part of the mix. Pumping out tweets at an impressive rate… Read More ›

• vermont: the usa’s tiny white snowglobe

  By the water tower on March 27, 2020

  by elizaligon I have lived in Vermont for roughly seven years since I moved from Houston, Texas to Rutland (yeah, “ooooooooof” I know). In my time here, I’ve noticed that Vermonters see themselves as a particularly unique breed, and in many… Read More ›

• quarantine bingo

  By the water tower on March 26, 2020

  

  by annikaringen

• BREAKING: JOE BIDEN found DEAD in his Wilmington, DELAWARE MANSION

  By the water tower on March 25, 2020

  by katierearden and kathrynbrown A quick Google search of the name “Joe Biden”, the supposed Democratic frontrunner, immediately brings up an Atlantic article titled “Stay Alive, Joe Biden.” Of course, we would never waste our time reading this–being in Gen… Read More ›

• lego star wars: the complete dilemma

  By the water tower on March 23, 2020

  Based on a true story, embellished from a separate friend in a separate quarantine. by kelseydeemer It has been sleeting for two days. No sign of sunshine and no sign of change.  We all know the five stages of social… Read More ›

• astro-carnival

  By the water tower on March 20, 2020

  

  by elliotcockayne

• where are they isolated now?

  By the water tower on March 20, 2020

  by wtstaff As the world as we know it seems to be falling apart, the water tower staff has had to face a sad truth. With campus nearly vacated, we are unable to meet for the in-person meetings that inspire… Read More ›

• who pooped the porch? like who pooped the bed, but worse.

  By the water tower on September 8, 2019

  by kathrynbrown It’s no secret that downtown Burlington is home to a plethora of delinquents, whether it be the infamous crack squirrels, neighbors who blast EDM at 2 a.m. on a Tuesday, or your landlord who charges $725 a month… Read More ›

• gregslist: vol. 22 issue #1

  By the water tower on October 1, 2018

  Missed Connection: The Sound of Silence Saw you outside nectar’s on my way to gorge on drunk pizza. You: 5’11”, painted face, striped shirt w/ suspenders, very expressive. Me: sexy college muskrat in a velvet jumpsuit who’s sick of guys… Read More ›

• the ear: vol. 22 issue #1

  By the water tower on October 1, 2018

  The Grundle Stoned Sophomore: if the chunks in my ice cream aren’t large enough to choke a toddler I don’t want them. N Willard, 12:09AM Dude in midst of pack of dudes: Dude, I just think of myself and the… Read More ›