wilt: don’t cheap out on an airbnb

by zachmoss

It was cold (and dark). The kinda cold that grips you as you walk outside and screams in your face immediately making you forget whatever you were thinking about. The kinda cold that really makes you wanna not leave the indoors until someone physically forces you too. This was the cold we were dealing with. Negative twenties at least, maybe more; at that temperature adding another ten degrees below freezing would mean next to nothing. 


This was the setting for the time when my friends arrived at our airbnb and came to the realization that: number one, you should not wait until the last second to book your airbnb, number two, know when to stop looking for cheaper rooms, and number three, McDonalds should never ever make a soup. The last one was just for fun, but the point was still made. Plan accordingly and try not to skimp out on price too much. Our experience was as follows: 


We unloaded our baggage and then entered the one story house that was the proprietor of some highly questionable airbnb reviews. Reviews containing the subjects of: poor cleaning, shotty thermostat, rooms not as advertised, and straight up weird youtube search history. It would be best that I leave them out of this article, so here are some funny ones that I’d like to have you picture anyway: just Dannny DeVito (no shirt), ten hours of static noise, Mario and Luigi *gone* sexual, and a slew of HowToBasic videos. Some weird 2016 shit fr. At the point of entry, our expectations were not high. One thing that was immediately noticeable was the incredibly creaky wood floors. Creaky floors fucking suck, it makes you feel bad about simply moving. 


After that, it was more or less a normal night, we ordered food to the house and ended up watching the end of a really boring episode of Family Fued. If you have never seen Family Fued, you generally wanna see someone blurt out some really wacky shit and point and laugh, but we were all left feeling unsatisfied. So we all kinda sat there in silence, sinking into the grimy couch cushins that smelled like doritos, but not the good kind. 


After someone finally broke the silence, we headed to our respective bedrooms, which happened to be another point of concern! The pictures in the post made it look a lot bigger. Even though the reviews said things might be left unclean, nothing that my quick scan of the room told me I had anything to be afraid of. Although after getting into bed, I realized that it was going to be a rough night as the bed was very uncomfortable. After somehow falling asleep, my friend and I awoke to a few shrieks from the other room. Our friend had come in contact with a family of bed bugs. FUCK THAT. All the other stuff was whatever, we slightly knew what we were getting into, but bed bugs; miss me with that shit. No thanks. We all swiftly packed our belongings, and ended up spending the rest of the night in a Denny’s, and surviving off one lookout while the others slept. In the future, stay hostile and research good airbnbs!

Categories: 8, nov 14, Vol 27, wilt, zach moss