I have been a proud Spotify Premium member for the last 7 years, so yeah, you can say I’m kind of better than most people. Granted, my parents still pay for my account (Hi mom and dad!), but still. So as we approach Spotify Wrapped season, and before I enter my eighth year of being a music snob, I would like to reflect on and rank exactly what the hell I’ve been listening to.
7th. “1999 WILDFIRE” by Brockhampton (2018)
Before you pass any judgment, I promise I’ve changed. I now see this evil gay rap boy band sounds like the one kid from your high school who was really invested in his SoundCloud rap career. My Brockhampton phase is not one that I am proud of. But there was something about walking the halls of my middle school blasting “BOOGIE” in my neon green headphones that just hit different. This song has a whole verse describing the group as being musical wizards, so that’s funny I guess?
6th. “Topanga” by Trippie Redd (2019)
Middle school was a weird time for all of us, right? I have never listened to Trippie Redd outside of this song and I don’t plan on changing that any time soon. This song isn’t good. Like really not good. That being said, the little “boom-boom-boom-boom” that he sings throughout this song scratches such a specific itch in my brain. It was a parasite living in my brain for a solid year. To any/all STEM students reading this article, please, please conduct some type of research into this godforsaken earworm of a song.
5th. “Don’t You Want Me” from American Psycho (London Cast Recording) (2017)
I WAS A THEATER KID OKAY? Despite trying to scrub this fact from my digital footprint, it is sadly immortalized by my 2017 Spotify Wrapped. This is an acapella arrangement of the 1981 song “Don’t You Want Me” which somehow made its way into the musical adaptation of American Psycho. None of those words belong in a sentence together. Lowkey kinda hits though when you forget this is an American Psycho musical adaptation (starring Matt Smith as Patrick Bateman no less). So yeah, Baby, I do want you.
4th. “WHATS POPPIN” by Jack Harlow (2020)
This #1 song came in a year where Jack Harlow was also my #1 most-played artist… truly a double homicide. Literally, tell me why I was his biggest fan BEFORE he got sexy when there was literally nothing redeeming him. But I shant lie in The Water Tower: I will never skip this song. The line “I’m drinking water and wearing protection”? Always gonna hit. Please note this version is pre-Tory Lanez feature. I’ll be happy to see Tory Lanez rot in a prison cell for messing with my good sis, Meg.
3rd. “Motion Sickness” by Phoebe Bridgers (2021)
Yeah, my music taste is really underground. You probably haven’t heard of this artist, she’s like really indie. Her name? Phoebe Bridgers. I remember listening to her music for the first time and immediately having this sinking feeling in my stomach that it would become my sole personality trait for the foreseeable future. In 2021, Ms. Bridgers was my #1 most-played artist and also occupied 4 out of my top 5 songs. Coincidentally, this is also the year I went on antidepressants!
2nd. “Story 2” by clipping. (2016)
I wish I could say I was just a naturally really cool 11-year-old listening to experimental rap, but I can’t. The only reason I listened to this song was because the rapper is Daveed Diggs of Hamilton infamy. That’s like if I said I only watched Goodfellas because I loved Martin Scorsese in Shark Tales. I told you my theater kid phase was dark. Regardless, this song is really, really cool. It’s about a gay ex-mob enforcer whose family is killed in a house fire. Legit as fuck.
1st. “Criminal” by Fiona Apple (2022)
All hail Fiona Apple. When listening to this song, I am unstoppable. I am the divine feminine. Call me a female manipulator, call me a psycho bitch, but you can not call me incorrect in saying that this song isn’t perfection in 5 minutes and 41 seconds. This song is just too good and I was very proud to post my Spotify Wrapped on my Instagram story last year. There have been multiple instances where I’ve played this song on loop for an entire car ride, and you know what? I would do it again.