make pokemon go cool again

by dardarbinks

Remember the dude who wrote the song, “I play Pokemon Go every day?” Yeah, I am him, and he is I., and now, I’m officially unveiling my secret life as a Pokemon addict. I have two phones. One for the plug and Pokemon go. The game brings so much nostalgia, reminding me of the time when life was good and my parents were still together GASP. It was those glorious years of 2016-2018. The days when wandering around showing off your curve ball* skills were considered the epitome of swag. How the times have changed… Who could forget Hillary Clinton’s legendary quote, “Pokemon go to the polls!”? A slogan that inspired a generation to catch ’em all… in the voting booth (and now I am a liberal). 

But now, my love for Pokemon Go comes with a price – shame and embarrassment. I’m tired of secretly tossing curve balls on the way to class while avoiding eye contact with anyone. I’ve even invested in a privacy screen protector, not because I’m suspicious (I am) but because I’d instead not get caught in the act of Pokemoning. I’ve become sneaky, telling my roommates I’m just going for a leisurely walk when, in reality, I’m meeting up with strangers on street corners to do a raid* and win legendary Pokemon. I just want to be able to join a raid on campus with more than zero people in it.  The Pokemon may be worth it, but it comes with a risk: meeting up with strangers on street corners.

by bemmy

Most of the current Pokemon Go players are around my age, give or take 20 years. Where are all the Shawtys who play? I kind of expect to meet the love of my life playing this game, but first, I need to find someone who is hot, doesn’t go to Champlain, and is higher than level 30*. People say, “Why don’t you just embrace your Pokemon passion?” Oh, how I’ve tried, but conformity is a powerful opponent. 

Looking at the brighter side of things, thanks to the game, I’ve become a fitness god, aiming to walk 50 km weekly. Are you motivated to walk 50 km a week? Didn’t think so. Lazy asses. We Pokemon Trainers have strong legs and stronger fingers ;). It’s the best of both worlds – you get to be outside in the real world and touch some grass while simultaneously still shoving your face into a screen. Who could ask for more? Also, I’ve been able to check out some remarkable historical landmarks I wouldn’t have even noticed if it wasn’t for Pokemon Go For example, THE WATER TOWER!!!. I’m done with the stigma. I want to be able to catch ’em all without feeling like I need a disguise. I promise I’m cool, and I think you’re cool too. But you know what would make you cooler? If you download Pokemon, go right now. #makepokemongocoolagain. 


Raids*: In Pokemon Go, raids are special group battles where up to 20 players can team up to defeat a powerful Pokemon and have a chance to catch it. 

Significance of level 30*: Don’t consider yourself an avid Pokemon Go player if you’re not over level 30. 

Curveball*: refers to a technique used when throwing Poke Balls to capture Pokemon. By adding a curve to your throw, you can earn additional points and increase your chances of successfully capturing the Pokemon, and you look so cool doing it.


Categories: around town, bemmy, dardar binks, nov 14, Vol 27