l’examen de jiffy lube

by lizzygrant

★★ / ★★★★★


Oh, Jiffy Lube, you are a bunch of rip-off artists! Negative stars if I can! I wanted to be a good car-taker and went for a quick checkup on my oil and fill on my coolant because I was driving from Vermont to visit family (18 hours away). Seemed okay and fast–a little wallet-wrenching, but boy, was I in for a cheap treat.

15 hours into my smooth drive, I stopped to get some gas and grab some snacks–my car started shaking her tits. Mind you, she is a 12-year-old hand-me-down from my mom. She has seen better days (she decided to die in the middle of the -40 degree weather earlier this year and then got a flat tire during my finals week), but this was totally uncalled for. Anyways, it was shaking tits and then ass and then stopped accelerating. I was super worried because I was 3 hours away from my brother’s house– eeek! What am I supposed to do? Call a tow guy in the middle of bum town nowhere and pay a thousand dollars for it to be towed for three hours, call my brother to pick me up, or carry on? 

I kept driving. I knew my car was bound to break down, and I would call someone once it did. The only question was when.

I reached the Chicago Skyway when the line was so long that I knew it would not make it. Oddly, I was pretty calm. I suppose rock music blaring calmed my fast-thinking brain. Although the signs said not to reverse to go into a lane with less traffic, that is exactly what I did. I got to the stop, and it took so long for the card reader to take my damn money that my car stopped accelerating, and I thought I was truly stranded. I restarted my car and trembled all the way into the suburbs. I made it. I probably could have died or something like that if my car had combusted or smoked some shit–but I am glad I didn’t. 

I took my car to get looked at a few days later and found the dipstick on top of the overworked radiator. The oil cap was also off, spilling oil everywhere and ultimately killing my beautifully aged engine. I was car-less for the entire summer (up until the weekend before school) and had to fly back home. Apparently, Jiffy Lube has a keen streak of doing stuff like this. You suck, Jiffy Lube! You are too expensive and do a shit job. What an epic fail. Answer your phones! You will be hearing from my lawyers! I have definitely learned my lesson. Now, I am planning on suing for the price of a new engine to go into my car. Will it be worth it? Probably not. Will I feel better on the inside? You bet.

Categories: 8, lizzy grant, sept. 19, Vol 27

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