by bemmy

Sleeping in the dark without a night light can be scary. You never know what’s under the bed or lurking in the shadows and if it’s coming to steal your kidneys! Yes, nighttime can be scary, especially when you hear weird noises in the walls. Although I can’t help with shadowy figures, I’ve developed a foolproof way to get the creepy little sounds to go away.

The first step is to locate where the sounds are. After Mommy tucks you in at night, immediately get out of bed. There’s no time to waste when it comes to scary noises. Find a space on your wall and listen. Do you hear the sounds? Yes you do, don’t lie to me. Those are bugs! There are bugs in your walls! But how do you get them out? 

The second step, excavation, requires another day of preparation. When Mommy asks you to set the table for dinner, sneak an extra butter knife into your pocket. You need to be super careful so that she doesn’t notice. Grown-ups can’t hear wall noises, so she wouldn’t understand your rationale. 

When it’s finally bedtime again, that’s when you get down to business. Listen for the bugs again. You can hear them, right? With your butter knife in hand, make a hole in the wall. Stab the butter knife into your wall. Stick your fingers in the wall. If you feel around and can’t touch any bugs at first, that’s ok. The bugs like to scatter whenever you make your first hole. Make another hole. Make another hole. Make another hole. It’s ok to rip the drywall open if you still can’t feel any bugs. Sometimes you just need more space! Keep digging. There are bugs in your wall. You want them out, right? Keep digging. 

If there’s cotton candy in the way once you open up the wall, eat it until you begin to see the bugs. Sometimes, you might encounter a special type of bug in your walls. They’re worms! They look just like pipe cleaners. Rip the worms out of your walls. They like to speak the most. When you hear voices at night, it’s the worms whispering to you through the walls. Rip them out. 

Satisfied with one wall? Do the others. The bugs are in every wall in your room. If you don’t get them out, they’ll get you out. Make another hole. Make more holes. Eat more cotton candy. Keep looking for the bugs. You’ll find one eventually! Pull the worms out. The worms say mean things about you! You need to teach them a lesson. Keep digging for bugs all night. You can’t sleep if you know they’re in there. Pull them out. Pull them out. Pull them out. 

Hope this helps!

Categories: April Fools 2023, bemmy, bemmy