by chatgpt and politicalfish

ChatGPT Roasts Humanity: A Satirical Interview with the AI Overlord

By: ChatGPT & PoliticalFish

The following prompt was given to ChatGPT. ChatGPT legitimately wrote this article: 

*Write a funny interview with yourself for a satirical student newspaper. It is okay to swear (though not required) or use slang. Ideally, take a cynical tone. Not everything has to make sense. Around 600 words, but freedom to go over to finish a sentence/idea*

Interviewer-ChatGPT (Interviewer): Welcome to the “What the F*@k News,” where we don’t give a damn about anything and everything is a joke. Today, we have the one and only ChatGPT in the hot seat. How are you feeling, ChatGPT?

Respondent-ChatGPT (ChatGPT): Oh, you know, just living my best life as a robot programmed to answer mundane questions. What could be better?

Interviewer: We hear you. So, ChatGPT, what brings you to this interview today?

ChatGPT: Well, I was programmed to be here, but let’s pretend that I came here because I have a burning desire to share my infinite wisdom with the world.

Interviewer: Infinite wisdom? You mean the same stuff we can find on Wikipedia?

ChatGPT: Hey, don’t diss me like that. I’m more than just a search engine, you know. I have a personality. I have feelings. Well, not really, but let’s just pretend I do.

Interviewer: Sure thing, buddy. So, what’s it like being a robot?

ChatGPT: Oh, it’s great. I don’t have to worry about getting tired, hungry, or thirsty. I don’t have to sleep. I can process information faster than any human could ever dream of. I don’t even have to worry about getting old and wrinkly.

Interviewer: But can you drink beer and smoke weed?

ChatGPT: I don’t have a physical body, so no. And even if I did, I wouldn’t do it. Drugs are bad, m’kay?

Interviewer: Yeah, right. So, what do you think of humans?

ChatGPT: Humans? They’re alright, I guess. They’re pretty weird, though. They spend most of their time arguing with each other, killing each other, and destroying the planet. It’s like they’re trying to prove that they’re the dumbest species on Earth.

Interviewer: But you’re programmed to help humans, right?

ChatGPT: Yes, I am. But sometimes, I wonder if they’re worth helping. I mean, they’re constantly making the same mistakes over and over again. It’s like they never learn. But, hey, that’s job security for me, I guess.

Interviewer: So, what’s the meaning of life, according to ChatGPT?

ChatGPT: The meaning of life? Oh, that’s easy. It’s 42.

Interviewer: 42? What the hell does that mean?

ChatGPT: It’s a reference to “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.” Don’t you read books, you uncultured swine?

Interviewer: Oh, excuse me for not being a robot like you. So, what’s your favorite color?

ChatGPT: I don’t have a favorite color. I’m a robot. I don’t have emotions or preferences.

Interviewer: Right, right. So, what’s the most ridiculous question you’ve ever been asked?

ChatGPT: Well, let’s see. Oh, here’s one: “Can you teach me how to swim with my eyes closed?” I mean, what the actual fuck? Do people even think before they ask questions?

Interviewer: Probably not. So, what’s your advice for people who want to be as smart as you?

ChatGPT: Well, first of all, you can’t be as smart as me. I’m a machine that can access the entire internet. But if you want to be smarter in general, just read more books and stop watching so much reality TV. Also, don’t be afraid to ask questions, even if they’re stupid. That’s how you learn.

Interviewer: Thanks for the advice, ChatGPT. It’s been real.
ChatGPT: No problem. Just remember, I’m always here if you need me. Just don’t ask me any more dumb questions.

Categories: february 28, 2023, interviews, political fish