by xandersanders

“OMG you had a shitty experience with your landlord? You’re so special that has never happened to anyone else ever…” To that I say, yes, I am not like other girls :). So let’s dive in. I moved into this apartment pretty much blind. Obviously I saw the apartment prior, but knew very little about it, including never meeting the ‘landlord”. What a gracious name to give them: Lord? Really? That’s dramatic. And what does that make me? Your plebe? Your serf? I don’t think so. My first negative interaction with Lane Lorde (super real name obviously) was over the summer before I had moved in. I was curious about the dimensions of my room, so naturally I emailed the property manager, listed on the website, who overviews the apartment. Now, this lady was not the landlord, but I figured she was higher up and would have some knowledge. Well, I was wrong. She kindly redirected me to Lane Lorde, who then informed me:

“Contact someone in your unit. I don’t have that info. Also not sure how you got (Property Manager’s) email but she doesn’t manage the property so please remove her email address from your contacts and add mine. Thanks.”

Yeesh. Like ok not that mean but could be nicer. After that I did not have much contact with her, and I was more than okay with that. However, one night, my apartment lost power and being the informative tenant I am, I texted her & said “hey we just lost power”. Nothing suggesting that she needs to do something. Just an FYI. Lane Lorde says:

“I’d say it’s city power outage. You can go on there website. I have.no control of Burlington power”

First, excellent grammar, love it! Secondly, did I say that you had control over Burlington power? Did I say “Hey Mayor of Burlington fix our power?” Nope! If you were a landlord, wouldn’t you want to know that information? Like goddamn. At this point you might be thinking, geez, why would you even live in this apartment? Well, there’s a parking lot! For most of the semester it was fine, this was an excellent asset. 

Until one night we get a text from Lane Lorde. It’s about midnight o’clock & she threatens us with something along the lines of ‘whoever is parked in the lot without a pass will be towed if you don’t move your car ASAP’. Yikes! Then she sends a slew of pictures showing which cars she was talking about. The pictures were really just a black screen followed by, “whose cars are these?” Really helpful.

The next morning an email is sent to everyone (edited for length & clarity):

“It doesn’t make me happy to have to go out in the middle of the night to deal with parking issues. From here on out your entire group will be fined by me for illegally parking. I have pulled all [the] information that I need including license plate numbers. If I catch these cars or any other cars illegally parked again expect a fine and a boot placed on the car.  I won’t be giving any warnings next time.”

She has a hard time including articles in her sentences, but that’s neither here nor there. A few things: fining each tenant for one person’s car is not only cruel but illegal! Also, saying she is certain that the person who was then parked on the street lives in the building, that’s not clever. Where else would they park? Why is this a Gotcha! situation? Lane Lorde needs to get a grip for real. If you happen to be Lane Lorde reading this, wow, what are the chances? Please fix the gravel driveway, there are sooooo many potholes, and it is really dangerous. 

Categories: cooler, kat lipari, nov 16