i hate breakfast

by zoriannapetrosayan

I have one question for you: ​how did we, as a notoriously nutrient-deficient society, decide that it’s morally permissible to have the same unexciting breakfast every morning? To borrow a word from the opening line of my personal statement, it’s disheartening trying to find something to eat at the UVM dining halls that isn’t 90% sugar, or brown. None of this is to shit on dining hall staff, but just to point out that things need to change, people!

Catch me at Central scanning the scrambled tofu on the daily—is it congealed or sufficiently chunky today? If it’s got the chunks, I can stomach it, especially if Frank’s Red Hot is involved (which seriously goes with everything). Sans chunks, I just load up on Greek yogurt, which is the only sacred breakfast food out there. 

But you know what boils my blood?


The entire concept of the American breakfast is stupid. As I’m sure you’ve heard before, our version of breakfast is a very watered down (and yet somehow souped up?) reinterpretation of the English breakfast, which has a lot of components to it like bacon, bread, fried tomatoes, sausages, black pudding, and beans. And yet, American breakfast differs from its big brother in a major way: it’s essentially just a gateway drug to dessert that in its most classic, home-cooked form lacks anything interesting. Now don’t get me wrong, I love sugar as much as the next UVM student who drinks lime green-colored soda for every meal, but like…am I the only one who finds mass-produced scrambled eggs gross? Or that pancakes don’t make much sense and are actually quite headache-inducing? Or that cantaloupe and melons don’t deserve to be called “fruits”, let alone food for that matter? Our dining halls here, likely to save on money and the cost of labor, barely change up the breakfast menu. But if lunch and dinner always vary day-to-day, why not breakfast? Does someone at the top of the UVM dining/Sodexo have a vendetta against a healthy breakfast?

But wait, you may be wondering, what’s my deal with pancakes and stuff? You see, pancakes are just sweet bread. Yeah that’s right. No filling, just uninspiring, dry bread that people religiously try to make tasty by drenching their sad stacks in maple syrup, whipped cream, butter, and God knows what other inappropriate toppings. My rule is, if it’s sweet but has no filling, it doesn’t belong on my plate. Simple as that. I also don’t like cinnamon all that much, which makes it difficult for me to enjoy desser…-whoops I meant American breakfast!!

A couple months ago, when I was still adjusting to college life (being a freshman and all), seeing the same breakfast being offered every morning was like a slap in the face. I would ask myself “what was the point of waking up today if I’m just going to have to burn my hands carrying coffee back to my table and then eat one muffin that has all of the sugar I’m supposed to eat in one day?”.

The impact that one good meal can have on a busy college student is tremendous, and I just want to start my day off right. If I couldn’t cook like I normally do at home, at least the dining halls could make food that honors what breakfast is supposed to be about: nourishment, energy, and edible (allegedly).

(P.S.: If any of this stirred up hatred in you towards me, maybe you should reconsider what you’re putting into your body for breakfast!).

Categories: bemmy, nov 16, review, views, wt staff, Zorianna Petrosyan

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