the horrific truth about this movie

by erintroiano

Scooby Doo Pirates Ahoy! was my favorite movie growing up. The gang goes
on a cruise with Fred’s parents for his birthday when a strange castaway shows up warning of glowing green lights in the fog and ghost pirates. No one took him seriously until it’s too late and the entire ship, including Fred’s parents, get kidnapped by ghost pirates! The ending has a fun twist and some great anti-capitalist propaganda. I highly recommend it (you can watch it on 123 movies). Recently, I learned a shocking detail about why this movie was so popular in my household growing up. I liked Scooby Doo and my older brother liked pirates, sp therefore Pirates Ahoy! was the perfect middleground. Although this may seem obvious, I never realized. Recently, my mom offhandedly mentioned this fact and let me tell you, I was shocked, flabbergasted, and betrayed. “Zoinks! -I mean Fuck”, I thought to myself. “Not everything was about me??”

Joining us here today to answer some questions is the betrayer: My mother.

Q: Do you consider this a betrayal?
A: Yes it was ground shattering. The illusion was shattered. You thought it was all
about Scooby Doo but didn’t realize your older brother had some territorial claims on this movie as well. You liked the movie for longer than he did. He grew out of pirates and into Star wars.

Q: Did you think I knew?
A: I totally thought you would have known. My perception of some siblings is they
like everything their older sibling does, but you weren’t like that. You loved the movie because it had Scooby as well as the whole gang solving crimes, not because of pirates. And you liked it because Scooby could solve mysteries without being verbal since you couldn’t talk yet.

Q: How did we first find Pirates Ahoy!?
A: We used to go to Whippanong Library to get DVDs for you guys to watch. I wanted to be able to control your exposure to commercialism. We used to watch the TV show with the 22 minute episodes so when we found a full length feature you were naturally intrigued.

Q: What else was a compromise?
A: This was more of a betrayal than a compromise but when we went to Italy and
[brother] got to go up the Tower of Pisa and you couldn’t because he was two years
older. It turned out he was not more responsible or more capable of going up stairs
with grace and coordination. Even at 6 you knew you were better, so that was a big

Q: Would you recommend this movie?
A: Definitely! It’s got all the classics – Scooby-Doo and Shaggy and the whole gang! It has good animation and an astrocartographer. Who doesn’t love a good astrocartographer character? It’s also multileveled enough to appeal to the parents such as puns like a character being named Biff Wellington*. There is also social commentary about an undereducated, wealthy, privileged guy easily taken in by conspiracy theories – Biff would be an info wars devotee. *She had to explain this to me. Biff is a cliche rich man name and there is a food called beef wellington. Apparently movies made for toddlers still go over my head.

Q: Any last comments?

A: It was a great family bonding experience, something we all liked!

Categories: erin troiano, october 25

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