by politicalfish

Is this betrayal? Have I been made the fool? Unfortunately dear readers, I cannot say for sure, because I fear that it is all of us who have been hoodwinked, bamboozled, and caught in the lies of our precious Rally Cat.

Rally Cat? Lying to us?? I know. I feel it too. And you will never guess what I learned today. Rally Cat has a secret twin brother. Named Greg.

Greg Cat, born in the basement of Waterman, lived an average life. He attended Burlington High School, got average grades, and graduated only to matriculate to UVM just like Rally (who was obviously top of his class. And the class president. And prom king.). Whereas Rally Cat had his whole future mapped out—graduate as a Zoology major with a minor in Theater—Greg was less certain. He came in undeclared and tried out a business major for a while, but after nearly flunking out of his classes, switched to a studio art major. Once again, he nearly flunked out. It was looking grim for Greg.

This is where things get interesting. The last concrete records of him show that in his sophomore year, he tried and failed to join Girl Gains UVM. After this, however, the trail goes dark, or at least somewhat grey. There are some mentions of Greg here and there, but they don’t line up with the official timeline, like how his name shows up on the University Merit page for having made Dean’s List during his junior year. People can make a comeback, sure, but Greg was performing so poorly for so long. The sudden and complete 180 is suspicious. What’s going on here??

Running out of clues, I went straight to the source. I talked to Rally Cat.

After the second UCONN hockey game last Sunday, I approached Rally. We may have lost, but Rally threw his entire heart and soul into that game, raising spirits higher than UVM students on 4/20. If there was ever a time to talk to Rally, it was now. I approached the cat, and ran through what I had learned so far.

“But Rally,” I asked. “What happened to Greg? Where did he go? Is he okay?” Silence filled the Gutt. Rally said nothing. I said nothing. That’s how silence works. In Rally’s eyes, I saw countless emotions playing out. Sadness, fear, embarrassment, dread. Pain. What happened, Rally Cat? Who hurt you? Suddenly, those emotions hardened into determination. Rally turned and gestured for me to follow him. I was finally going to get answers to the questions that had been plaguing my existence.

He led me across campus to Waterman. Up the stairs we went, and we stopped in front of room 348.

“Rally, this is President Suresh Garimella’s office, why did we stop here? I thought you were going to bring me to Greg, or at least to some answers about him?”

And that’s when it clicked. Rally did bring me to Greg. I’d known where Greg was all along, we all knew—just under a different name. The emotions in Rally’s eyes from earlier finally made sense. Rally had been shouldering this burden for so long, and had been intimidated into silence. You didn’t lie to us on purpose, Rally Cat, you would never hurt us. It is time for you to be free.

Friends, I reveal to you the truth about Greg Cat. There are so many questions left, and much more to uncover. What caused Greg Cat’s transformation? Is he okay? Will he ever transform back? But I fear I need to share as much as I can find before I too am silenc–

Categories: oct 11, political fish, vol 26, wilt