Have you ever wondered how to become worse? Have you ever looked at yourself and thought, yeah, it’s okay, but if only i could be just a bit more insufferable? I have a simple solution for you, you poor self-sabotaging basketcase. Get up on that degree audit and change your major to english. The following ten steps will guide you to becoming your worst self.
1. Replace all your normie five star college ruled notebooks and replace them with tiny, unruled journals. Ideally made of leather and inscribed with a quote from t. S. Eliot.
2. Start talking about the bible a lot. Cain and abel this, the tower of babel that. And then came the flood. All the classics. Tell everyone you have ever met that you sobbed when moses parted the red sea for the israelites. Sooooo emblematic of the resilient power of the human will, am i right? ?
3. Pick your words so carefully that it takes you literally an hour to form a single thought about the role of women in shakespearean tragedies. Prioritize eloquence over everything, even if it makes you look like you’re receding into the absesses of your brain and totally losing the power of speech.
4. Talk about your professors like they’re your parents. Go on and on (needlessly) about all the super hilarious knicknacks they have in their office, which you know about because you’ve been in there soooo many times.
5. Wear a scarf. All of the time.
Categories: sophie wolfe, water cooler, wt staff