the housing decor crisis

by wtstaff

Here at the Water Tower, we know how to make a

house into a home. We’re not talking about your run-of-
the-mill painting, couch, and picture frames. We chose to tell you about some of our favorite items of decor, and the ~pizzazz~ that they add to our spaces. Kids these days just don’t know how to decorate anymore, and we’re here to
offer just a few items that you can seek out to make
your house shine.

Nut Milk Bag – I hung it on the wall with a tack,
so I’m not sure I can use it to milk anymore. My
mom gave it to me. No wait– YOUR mom gave it to
me. Haha.

Naked Ladiesssss – If you come to my home and
fancy a nice cold glass of water, all you have to do
is open the cabinet, reach for a cup, and feast your
eyes upon Miss April from Playboy’s 2001 spring
issue. She sure is blonde, and she she sure does love
horses, and she sure is naked inside of my kitchen
cabinet for some reason.

Doorbruh to my room- self explanatory. Un-
marked button beckoning anyone looking for en-
trance to my room to press it. They are given a good chuckle and I’m alerted that someone requires entry.

Jroom with a jouch and jairs – jjust jlike jit jsounds

ben bieri

Smile! You’re on camera (in my bathroom) – You
enter my narrow bathroom, which very well could have been a hallway an earlier time, and see a classic, “Smile! You’re on Camera :)” Positioned right above the
body length mirror on the far wall, and across from the
shower with the toilet in the middle; You is sure to enjoy seeing the sign as you are doing all your bathroom routines.

A Million Water Towers – at my house, we clip every
article. Our writers are geniuses. Our artists are inspired.
On the fridge, on the walls, on the bulletin board. Every
inch of our house is covered.

Floor specific weed appartus- a UVM student essential
is a smoking appartus on each floor of your house. If, like
us, you have 4 floors in your home, you’re gonna
need: a ground floor pipe, a mid floor bong, a top
floor hookah lounge, and if you’re the party type, a
basement coke spoon.

John, four foot tall stuffed penguin – as a house warming activity myself and my three brethren voyaged to the southern most pole of the world and, with no sherpa help, we found and slaughted the last known emperor penguin on the continent. We
brought its carcas home as carryon luggage to avoid the fees (we had to remove the innards while board-
ing), and stuffed it at home!

Fucking fish – they have sex. I’m not mad about it.

Minecraft painting – one wool and four sticks. Lo-
cally sourced supplies from grass biome.

420 magic 8 ball – thanks mom

Framed chaco taco wrapper – decoration.

Categories: around town, wt staff

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