rome is… real?

by bs

I found out about Rome this summer, at the ripe age of 20. Rome is real.
And it has been all along. On that cursed night I partook in the classic ‘eat
an edible at home; smoke a bowl at your friends’’ combo. I leaned in to my
friend, lowered my voice, and whispered “did Rome actually happen?” He
gave it to me straight and I found an excuse to leave. I cried the whole walk
home. When I got home I stood outside my roommates closed door, tears
in my eyes, saying softly “so was Atlantis real?” “No” “so what about pirates”
“yes”. As far as I’ve been concerned, Rome was a folktale conjured by the
brothers Grimm or the likes.
Some have pointed out that I’m “literally a baptized member of the
Roman Catholic Church” and ask me where I think the word Roman comes
from, to which I might say:there’s also a Russian Orthodox Church, and I don’t believe in Russia

Christianity is a fairytale
“But what about the literal place”? Well I’ve never seen it. I’ve never
peed there. And while you could walk away from this thinking how the
public school system has failed me, perhaps you should walk away from
this thinking how it failed YOU. You have been bearing the weight of these truths since the age of 8, while I have been blissfully ignorant of the existence of Rome until just weeks ago. I have to imagine that you have laid awake in bed many a night thinking, “oh god oh fuck what if lead is in my

water and it’s slowly rendering me infertile”, while I have slept soundly

knowing that lead isn’t real. Don’t you feel the slightest bit like a sheep?

Just believing in Rome because you were told to? Did you ever question

the legitimacy of that fact? Perhaps I’m the real scholar here. You might be

inclined to call me a conspiracy theorist after this, but there’s no conspiracy

to spin here. I have no greater motive, no narrative to push. I’m simply

a denier. And following the Trump era, often praised for its freedom of

information and placed trust in scholarship, I am proud to be a denier. I

have overcome the societal pressure to “learn”. The Trump era brought an

academic renaissance, and to leave that renaissance still steadfast that Rome

existed, you have wasted an invaluable moment. Reconsider Rome!

Categories: bs, cedulie benoit-smith, what i learned today


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