By: twoandnohalvesmen
*ARTICLE WRITTEN BEFORE TUESDAY, 02/22/2022*
The annoying droves who occupy the worst parts of the internet, such as myself, have been long awaiting this day. Tuesday, February 22, 2022. Or shall I say, Two’s Day? With all of the anticipation in mind, it seems that we should cover a list of activities that one could undertake as a part of the palindrome ritual. Without further ado, we present things to do in sets of two:
Attire comes first: today is a day of gloves and socks. If you have any matching outfit pieces, now is the time. Personally, I lack matching outfit sets, so I will indulge in pigtails to show my respect for the holiday. I will also be wearing blue, solely because “blue” rhymes with “two,” but this is merely personal preference.
First and foremost, this project will often require a partner, so this is a good time to either recruit your best friend to help you out, or you can feel more than free to get into a relationship just for the opportunities that being in a duo affords you. An example might be riding a tandem bike around town, or getting pregnant with twins. It’s not that you can’t do these things alone, but it might be fun to have a partner there!
To a similar end, you could sit on your porch and grow old with someone. This is a classic move for sets of two, and a cute one at that. Just go ahead and find the love of your life, plop yourselves down, veg out and wait. People watch to pass the time, I’m sure you’ll see countless more sets of two eagerly dashing to their own porches to do the very same things you are.
While you’re on the porch, why not have a beer or two? This is something fun to do in a set of two on a porch, much better than drinking alone. After a brewski or two, perhaps it’s time for some matching tattoos? Everybody knows the best artists are well-lubricated; you should solidify this moment in your memory by giving each other stick and poke tattoos.
But if you pussy out of giving each other matching tattoos, fear not– there are plenty of activities for weak bitches such as yourself. You could popcorn-read a book with your Two’s Day partner. A story is best when shared aloud, so take this opportunity to indulge yourselves! As much as I respect those who share soliloquies, I prefer a dialogue-heavy book for activities such as these. Perhaps a two-man play?
If you prefer silence from your partner, perhaps a couples’ massage is the way to go! A couple’s massage really encapsulates the essence of Two’s Day. After all, this isn’t just you and your chosen partner in crime– it also includes the two masseuses.
As fun as it is to be together on Two’s Day, there are some fun things to do from a distance, too. Amongst my favorite activities is a tree-climbing session. Have you ever climbed a tree with someone who you very deeply adore in another tree nearby, and used one of those cans on a string to talk to one another? I haven’t. But that’s the basis of several of my romantic daydreams, and on Two’s Day, who’s to say that it shouldn’t come true?
For a modern spin on an ancient classic, there’s one final activity that suits Two’s Day well. The piece de resistance, the cherry on top, the best activity for Vermonters on Two’s Day– it could be really fun to go to two different Skinny Pancake locations and facetime one another. You can discuss the similarities and differences in vibe, what’s on the menu, who’s working. Though they begin with the same basic ingredients, Skinny Pancake locations could vary wildly.
In essence, Two’s Day is about Two-getherness. Take this time to really get to know the people closest to you.
Categories: around town, mar 1