by addisonschwarz & lilyjensen 

The other day here in Christie 114, Lily and I were having a fruitful conversation about our favorite mandela effects and how there aren’t any new, good ones out there. We looked through every Buzzfeed list trying to find a new paradox that made us face our human naivety with the same intensity that finding out there’s no hyphen in the KitKat logo did. Alas, no luck. Instead, we took it upon ourselves to look into hundreds of historical and pop culture events and find out what’s really going on. After hours of tireless research, we present our list of new and improved mandela effects. 

Sharks are Extinct

Sharks are a long extinct predator of the deep. These terrifying creatures are no longer around, but are frequently reported as the cause of many attacks and deaths around the world. Why is this? The sharks people have seen are actually the animatronic from the movie Jaws. 

The Titanic Never Sank

The Titanic departed from Southampton on April 10, 1912, then stopped at Cherbourg, France, and Queenstown, Ireland, before heading toward New York. It has long been believed that four days into the journey to New York, the Titanic hit an iceberg and promptly sank to the bottom of the North Atlantic Ocean. However, this never happened. The Titanic continued on its journey and arrived Wednesday morning April 17 at White Star Line’s Pier 59. It is thought that in an effort to sell more copies of the 1997 film Titanic, producers paid historians to alter the public records in order to match the plot. 

Kennedy v. Presley Assasination  

Many older Americans remember watching President Kennedy’s car parade through Dallas Texas when Lee Harvey Oswald shot and killed him. Those same Americans might also remember the unique story of how the King of Rock and Roll, Elvis Presley, croaked while sitting on the john. However, this is a class case of a switcheroo! John F. Kennedy actually died in 1977 when relieving himself at a charity picnic. A rogue bullet from the starting pistol of a nearby potato sack race shot through the thick plastic walls of the outhouse and killed the President immediately. Presley died while on his comeback tour in the same year when a crazed fan shot him in his car. Some suppose that the government has been purposely pushing the incorrect story as an attempt to save the Presidential legacy, but we here at the watertower are dedicated to the truth.  

Irish Potato Famine

When you read that title you may think of mass starvation in Ireland in the mid-1800s, but a simple mix up might have your head spinning! The mass starvation is actually known as the “Wee Bit Hungry Times,” and the Irish Potato Famine refers to a week in the 1960s when McDonalds across the southern tip of Ireland ran out of french fries. 

Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire & Workers Rights

You’ve probably been taught in school that the workplace safety standards we have in place today come from the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire. Unfortunately the historians got it all wrong. There was a fire at the triangle shirtwaist factory on March 25, 1911, but it was a controlled burn of leftover fabric from a short lived cheetah print phase. No one was harmed and most certainly no one died. In actuality, a lot of safety standards can be traced back to a Macy’s store in Toledo. On April 3, 1934 an employee sprayed perfume directly into their eyes, and consequences of that tragedy led to legislation protecting workers and implementing safety standards nationwide. 

Caterpillars and Butterflies 

We’ve all heard the metaphor about the ugly caterpillar turning into a beautiful butterfly. Inspirational to an adolescent undergoing the vicious changes of puberty; however, caterpillars don’t turn into butterflies. The two creatures are entirely separate. Caterpillars are born and die as caterpillars, like most insects. Butterflies on the other hand randomly spawn into our world. While the exact cause is not known, scientists have been able to draw correlations between increasing butterfly populations and other events. Some include: increased methane levels from cow farts, increased fertility of Santa’s reindeer, production of Nicholas Cage movies, and number of bubble-gum bubbles blown by the nation of Iceland.  

Deforestation isn’t real

It’s a widely held belief that the number of trees is rapidly declining and our earth is increasingly in danger. In reality, there are plenty of trees left and there always has been! It almost makes zero sense, but trust us it’s true! Just go outside, there are literally trees everywhere. 

Categories: 8, addison schwarz, samantha stillman