head on with the head of state

by savinobarile

Savino Barile: Mr. President, it’s an honor.

Joe Biden: The pleasure is all mine. Young people are the future of this nation, it’s important they can feel like they can come to their President if they need to.

SB: You have incredible foresight. Speaking of the future of young people, I wanted to ask you about the student debt crisis. Do you still plan on implementing loan forgiveness programs?

JB: Forgiveness is a major part of my life as a Catholic. I don’t think anyone should be denied forgiveness, even if they get a BFA. We’re gonna create more jobs for actors mack!

SB: Mr. President I know you have good intentions, but it seems like the only way to graduate debt-free is to join the military!

JB: How old are you son?

SB: 20.

JB: You’ll get there soon enough.

SB: Excuse me?

JB: Donald Trump disgraced this nation and our democracy when he unleashed the insurrection on the Capitol last year.

SB: Mr. President, are you implying there is going to be a draft?

JB: Is there? Did someone leave the window open again? It’s freezing in here!

SB: Mr. President in January you pledged that US servicemen will not engage with Russian forces in Ukraine, are you having second thoughts about this statement considering the current state of the invasion?

JB: January… January! On January 6th Donald Trump incited a despicable attack on our Capitol and our democracy. My administration is committed to bringing him and the perpetrators to justice!

SB: Frankly Mr. President, the siege of Kyiv seems a little more pressing than something that happened over a year ago.

JB: A year? What’s a year to me? A year… oh the years…

SB: Are you okay Mr. President?

JB: I’m fine, I just have a lot on my mind. Practice later…

SB: Practice?

JB: As the class president of Archmere Academy 1961 and captain of the football team, I’m a busy guy mack! Not to mention this Cornpop fellow giving me flak at the damn pool.

SB: My questions are more focused on your role as President of the United States.

JB: I know I’m just another Irish fellow to you but I’d hope as a journalist you’d be able to know me from Jack Kennedy!

SB: Its true what they say Mr. Biden, your sense of humor is infectious. But I really would like to focus on the war.

JB: The damn war, horrible to see our young men shipped off to Vietnam. I’m not too concerned for myself though, I have asthma and a stutter. Not much we can do us, civilians. My main concern right now is about her.

SB: Are you referring to Vice President Kamala Harris? What role is she playing in crisis?

JB: Camilla? Are you crazy that’s Jimmy’s steady! I been wanting to ask Sally to the homecoming with me for weeks, but I’m scared she’ll say no. What do you think?

SB: I think if you just act like yourself and be confident, that’s the best you can do. But to get back to business, your SWIFT sanctions against Russia are some of the most aggressive economic policies in recent times, do you think doing too much too fast to Putin and his friends has given them a “nothing left to lose” mentality?

JB: This is all really scary stuff you’re saying. Who are these people?

SB: Sir, they are some of the most important- 

JB: I want my mother. Do you know where my mother is?

SB: I can’t say I do.

JB: Mom. Mom! Mommy!

At this point, I was escorted out by the secret service. Apparently, Mr. Biden had to take a very important call with President Macron concerning the natural gas supply in Western Europe, and it was crucial he have his afternoon nap beforehand. 

Categories: 8, mar 1, savino barile

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