how to make 8 easy dollars

By henryschmidel

The editorial staff of the Vermont Cynic allegedly claimed they were “unable to find $8 in the budget” in order to cover the Asian Student Union’s Lunar New Year event this past weekend. The Water Tower asks: why not? Did you already spend your discretionary funds on a high-priced graphic designer for your sex font last year? Is printing in color making you broke? Well, fear not. I’m willing to spot you the $8… in return for some things. I’ve attached a list of tasks and services which I value at that price.

1. Let me write an article in your newspaper about whatever I want

2. Do my laundry

3. Cook me a steak dinner

4. Beat me at a game of horse in Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater

5. Draw me a nice picture

6. Bake me a birthday cake

7. Wash my dishes

8. Make me laugh (this will be hard for the cynic writers)

9. Shovel my driveway

10. Edit my section for The Water Tower

11. Be my personal chauffeur for one day

12. Write me a sonnet

13. Let me throw a party in your offices

14. Fix the hole in my kitchen window

15. Jumpstart my car
Basically, what I’m saying is that if the Cynic had just asked me, I could’ve thrown them a bone and gotten them into Lunar New Year. Instead, they begged and pleaded for free press passes to the bigget fundraiser of the year for the Asian Student Union at a majority white school. What’s up with that?

Categories: feb 8, henry schmidel, news

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