my little pony? more like my spiritual awakening

by angelinacarando

Can you still picture it? The adventure, the suspense, the drama, the friendship, the magic. All captured so perfectly by a mismatched band of colorful, tramp-stamped talking ponies, unicorns, and pegasi. Who would’ve guessed that a TV show based on Hasbro’s toy line from 2010 would draw the attention of not only horse girls nationwide, but also audiences with the most impeccable artistic taste, like myself. Though fans are familiar with the most iconic series to ever hit the silver screen (no I will not be debating this), they may be shocked to discover that a brand new My Little Pony movie just dropped, and it may just be the most culturally significant film of our generation. Horse girls everywhere are simply dropping dead from sheer awe.

Now I know what you’re thinking and yes, I may be just a teensy bit too old to be watching My Little Pony movies. But riddle me this: why would the all-loving omnipotent higher power that is Disney™ produce the absolute filet mignon of movies and then expect me to just not watch it? Nah, y’all got the wrong bitch.

For those of you still living under a rock, let me bring you up to speed. On september 22nd of this year, Netflix released the masterpiece that is My Little Pony: A New Generation, and it received absolutely ZERO press or acclaim. Naturally, of course. A true piece of art never receives the praise it deserves right away, just ask Mona Lisa. This bitch had to be stolen from a museum by a custodian, published in newspapers worldwide, and straight up go missing for a year for anyone to actually give a shit. Society is placed in the hands of fuckwits who don’t understand true art. This is exactly the same situation as the new My Little Pony movie.

 Now picture this: Equestria is in a state of dystopian disarray. Earth ponies, unicorns, and pegasi are separated from each other in a state of distrust. There is no more magic, and each sector thinks the other has taken it from everyone else. Also, capitalism is a thing?  Wow, this seems like the perfect political environment for a dictator to take power! Well would you look at that, some sheriff-wannabe-hitler pony is creating weapons of mass destruction to kill anyone who isn’t an earth pony. Silly horse, doesn’t he know that’s been done before? 

And so, here we are, our stage is set. Unicorns, pegasi, earth ponies. Long ago, the three nations lived together in harmony. But everything changed when the Hitler pony attacked. Only Sunny, the earth pony that is not a fan of ethnic cleansing, could stop him. Off on an epic journey to unite the 3 nations she goes, running into wacky little adventures along the way. A coming of age story full of all the necessities: mystery, self-discovery, millennial humor, brainwashing, military-industrial complex, a small british child, and the voice of Vanessa Hudgens. Oh, and did I mention it’s also a musical? What more could you ask for? So go on, grab your favorite horse girls and go watch the new My Little Pony movie right now (while baked, preferably). I’m no spoiler snitch, but I will say: friendship is indeed magic.

Categories: dec 7, review, vol 25

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