sophomore prom in the metaverse

by savinobarile

Hey Guys!

My name is Savino and I am YOUR 2021 Meta campus ambassador! You may recognize us from our stint as the company formerly known as Facebook, but that’s just one of our amazing products! 

Recently you guys had a blast at “Sophomore Prom”. Instead of accepting the shortcomings of the past and trying to move forward into a better future, we chose to superficially recreate an event that completely hinges on a specific time, space, and sphere of people. Speaking of time and space….

By now, word of the Metaverse has finally reached your dormsteps. It’s an all-new virtual reality plane of being where you can socialize, work, and live remotely. I know what you all are thinking, “Haven’t you guys done enough to fundamentally disrupt and monopolize the way we communicate?” Guilty as charged (LOL)! That’s why the Metaverse combines the best of both worlds. You have the distance and insularity of cyberspace, with the instinctual neuron alarm bells of seeing a human-shaped object. Say goodbye to awkward goodbyes, and hello to a world where you can be anyone you want (see in-app purchases).

So we were going over the data back in Cali, and were alerted that there was an amazing potential synergy between University Event Services and the Metaverse! That’s why I am proud to announce that all attendees were some of our first-ever public test users! Yes, you guys! Thank me later! I’m just kidding. But you should express some gratitude. Mark would appreciate it.

What I mean by this is that prom didn’t really happen, or at least not in the way you’re used to. When entering through the Davis Center Tunnel, you unknowingly inhaled nanobots pumped through the WRUV sound system. Relax, they will have broken down by now and will be flushed out of your system within the quarter. Anyways they entered your nervous system and using cloud technology, transported your perception into the virtual realm. Is it coming back to you now? The uncanny feeling that this whole world was an artifice? While your minds were making chit-chat, your bodies were carefully fitted with an IV consisting of protein fluid and Celsius.

Well, we looked at the data and everything went swimmingly thanks to our “Best Night Everr Mark III” algorithm. Each attendee had their own curated playlist, lighting, menu, and perception of others. With needs taken care of, wants become supreme. And wants become reality. In the Metaverse, compromise will become a thing of the past. 

This may come as a shock to some of you, and that’s ok.  If you go on our support site you’ll find we offer a Headspace free trial to promote mindfulness.

Another quick disclaimer, this party was recorded! You can replay the event from your perspective, “Panopticon Mode”, or upgrade to premium and relive the night through the eyes of your peer of choice!

Feel free to reach out to me on LinkedIn or through Meta’s legal office if you have any questions or comments. I’ll see you guys on the quad!

Categories: around town, nov. 9, savino barile, vol 25

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