my zombie preparations

by lucypowell

For years, I have been preparing for the inevitable zombie apocalypse. I’ve always imagined the apocalypse would begin with some strange disease that slowly infects every country until all that remains are naturally selected. In all honesty, there have been multiple times where I think that a zombie apocalypse would be more survivable and enjoyable than the current state of the world. 

Anyway, I’ve given a lot of thought to my preparations and here they are (with the most important preparations listed first):

  1. The first thing I would do at the commencement of the apocalypse would be to pay a visit to the Bass Pros Shop Pyramid in Memphis, Tennessee. This chapel of outdoor gear and hunting utilities would prove me with the optimal zombie hunting supplies. If time is against me and I can’t get out to Memphis, I suppose I will have to settle for the Outdoor Gear Exchange on Church Street, despite their weak weapons selection.
  1. I would next contrive the most epic zombie fighting playlist to play on my solar powered MP3 player. Obviously, the playlist would begin with every single song ever performed in the hit television show Glee. This is also where my playlist would end. 
  1. After much research and evaluation, I have selected a spiked bat to be my weapon of choice. This would be one of the pieces of equipment that I acquire at the Bass Pros Pyramid. NEVER select a weapon that requires ammunition; you will run out and then die. 
  1. Shoes. This is one of the most vital pieces of equipment you will require in order to 

survive. Since all electric modes of transportation will not exist, walking and biking will be your only option. Because of this I would choose to wear my Nike Air Force 1’s. These bad boys have survived the depths of frat basements, so a walk through the apocalypse should be no biggy. 

  1. I would make sure to be up-to-date with the CDC “Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse” Blog to see if they’ve posted any helpful tips! And I know you think this is a joke, but the Center for Disease Control (yes, as in the one that is part of the U.S. federal government) has a legit website that explains what to do if a zombie apocalypse were to commence.
  1. Lastly, make sure to grab your favorite canvas tote bag! Of course a backpack would seem like the best option, but it is not nearly as cute as a tote!!

I hope my list inspires you to begin your preparations for the inevitable! I have also reached out to the ROTC troops to see if they’ll run a hand-to-hand combat training seminar. I’ll keep everyone updated as to the seminar dates.

And my last piece of advice: never get it on with a zombie, I think that’s still considered necrophilia. But then again, there’s no prison in the apocalypse, so you do you.

Categories: lucy powell, oct. 26, reflections, vol 25

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