d’ork’s “the evil dead”

by d.orkin

Before we get into the real spooks, I need to address something important. If you recognize this moniker from past review pieces, bad news: that was an imposter. After countless negotiations and a few heated yelling matches with some punches thrown, I have at last reclaimed my name. What was someone doing going around using my entire identity in the paper? Beats me. Nevertheless, David Orkin, the REAL d. Ork is here to talk about a recommendation. A scary movie recommendation. 

addison schwarz

It’s been 40 years since this piece of pie hit the shelves of your local blockbuster, and a lot has changed since then. The Evil Dead has truly become a cultural phenomenon, and has brought thousands of blindly obedient horror nuts back for a second and third entry to the epic franchise. Not to mention a Starz original series. Because the only thing I was thinking when watching this is that it needed more time travel. You know d. Orkin, I always want time travel. Thankfully, this original introduction to The Evil Dead world is still pretty bad. Don’t get me wrong, I love it to its smallest and biggest imperfection, it’s just objectively terrible, it’s absolutely awful. For all you kids out there, this movie has blood, gore, fire, a chainsaw, a canceled engagement, and a tree that does enough dirty business to earn the movie an NC-17 rating. This tree should be canceled in my opinion. 

The big question that this movie poses: What happens if you truly write no plot and spend the budget on ten gallons of Hi-C and a military smoke machine? Actually, a pretty fun time. There was some good stuff under the gratuitous blood and guts and the incessant groaning noises. Maybe you even like that kind of thing. Usually I prefer a more atmospheric horror, and to my surprise there was actual tension in this movie. After seeing most of the characters get (spoilers) possessed deformed and ultimately decapitated, there’s no logical reason why that couldn’t happen to our hero Ash. Even if the whole thing feels dated, it does have that 80s horror movie charm that people crave so heavily. 

Look, I’m a no bullshit reviewer. If you want something that will really stretch the brain cells you have remaining, this is not it. You can go watch the Wicker Man for that (not the Nic Cage one please stop talking about the Nick Cage one) it’s basically the original Midsommar. But if it’s been a busy Halloween, it’s the end of the night and your buddies are clamoring for more spooky sauce: check out this little flick, it might scratch your itch and maybe send a shiver down your spine.

Categories: addison schwarz, oct. 26, review, vol 25

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