by b.s.

Having recently been challenged by my psychiatrist to speed date (with therapists in the Burlington area), I’ve compiled a list of the best first dates to go on (with a date, NOT your therapist, unless…) without having to leave the UVM campus. 

1: Picnic date (44.468100, -73.192860)

A timeless first date, the humble picnic is a great way to get to know your date, see how they eat, and get a feel for whether or not they are little bitches about insects. The turf field located between Athletic and Redstone campus is the perfect spot to spread out a blanket and crack open a bottle of wine. Bonus points if you use nicotine products on the picnic.

2: Stargazing (44.475850, -73.197146)

Stargazing is a romantic way to enjoy the outdoors without having to see the face of the person you’re with. While lying next to each other you’ll get a chance to rest your head on their chest and get a glimpse of the night sky. From the underground prison cell located on Main Street outside the Davis Center, you can enjoy both stars and metal grates.

3: Homework (44.478528, -73.201251)

Homework dates are a great way to kill two birds with one stone. You have the benefit of getting assignments completed and not having to say a word to your date. One of the best places on campus for a homework date is the cubicle in the women’s bathroom on the fourth floor of the Waterman building. This private and quiet hole-in-the-wall spot is sure to impress a date.

4: Prank calls (44.477265, -73.196926)

An age old classic, making prank calls with your date will show you quickly whether or not they know the numeric system. Use the payphone in the dark corner near the Cyber Cafe to make calls to your least favorite Vermonters, since the phone can only call 802 numbers. Bonus points if you ask them if their icebox is running. (VT doesn’t have refrigerators yet).

5: Kayak (44.467689, -73.196923)

Kayaking is a great date for an adventurous couple. There’s no better place to appreciate Vermont’s beautiful bodies of water than the weird ass pond next to the Redstone Lofts. Impress your date by pushing your kayak down the slope because it’s too heavy to carry, and then leave it in the pond after kayaking, bragging that your parents will just buy you a new one.

6: Sex (44.475902, -73.195183)

If you’re feeling that the above dates are too formal and romantic, no worries. If you’re like Kanye [a sick fuck, like a quick fuck], then you and your date should make your way to the Aiken Center. The shower in the gender neutral bathroom is designed specifically for college students to have sex in and no other reasons. Bonus points if you whisper Rubenstein as you finish.

If you gave any of these date ideas a try, please shoot us an email to president@uvm.edu to let us know how it went. 

Categories: cedulie benoit-smith, oct. 12, vol 25, water cooler