by katlipari

I like to consider myself as a rather intelligent person, but sometimes I can be dumb. Some of the smartest people I know are dumb and out of respect and lack of examples I will not name these people. However, to my original point here is a non-exhaustive list of things I cannot even begin to wrap my head around; originally I had titled this Things I Don’t Understand, however I realized I could understand these things, but I either do not care enough or it would take an obnoxious amount of time to explain to me and even then I can’t promise you I’ll get it. Some of which I may provide an explanation, others I simply cannot explain.

1.  Evaporated milk. 

First of all, milk is a liquid and you’re trying to sell me a liquid that has now been evaporated, but is somehow still a liquid? Nope.

2. Wind

Air go up and down and then air go whoosh? HUH

3. Bluetooth and other various forms of wireless connectivity

Self-explanatory

3. Citations

“You have to give credit, you have to have a reliable source” blah blah blah. One, just trust me for real and two, I could make up some information and provide a fake source and the chances that my professor is going to individually go through every students’ citations are slimmer than Skinny P’s crepes. In fact, I dare someone to do this, make something up, see how it goes, get back to me, because I promise you it just maybe might probably work.

5. Feels like weather

I have been told that there is a formula to decide what the temperature ~feels like~ but that’s a big fat lie to me. In case you were actually curious it is calculated by “by taking into account the expected air temperature, relative humidity and the strength of the wind at around 5 feet (the typical height of an human face) combined with our understanding of how heat is lost from the human body during cold and windy days” and no I will not be citing my sources because as I mentioned, just trust me. Anyway that sounds so fake I do not trust it one bit, in fact a lot of weather confuses me…and no I do not have an explanation for that.

6. World Debt

Apparently the world is in debt. To whom you ask! Itself…now how the fuck does that work. 

7. Cooking Show Judges

I understand that the judges are usually chefs themselves (side note: the plural of chef should be cheves), but what makes their tastebuds more qualified to judge food than mine? What is this tastebud superiority complex that I am not allowed to be a part of?

These all come from my smooth brain, I didn’t look anything up (or maybe I did and just didn’t cite it 🤨🧐.)

Categories: addison schwarz, kat lipari, may 4th 2021, water cooler