wdw is disney

by b.s.

I first discovered the Redstone campus in the fall of 2020 after getting moderately high in the pines and accidentally going the wrong way home. I stumbled out of the dark onto the beautiful brick city that is the Redstone green. I have difficulty describing the sheer weight of the first time you see Redstone. I ended up being at such a loss for words when describing it to my friends that the only thing I could offer was, “Disney”. Truly the most magical place on earth. I will here describe all of the parallels between the Redstone campus and Walt Disney World.

  1. The most obvious, WDW (Wing, Davis, Wilks) has the same acronym as Walt Disney World. 
  2. Wing-Davis-Wilks was opened to students in 1969, while Walt Disney World was opened to the public in 1971. This close timeline leads me to believe that Walt Disney World was, perhaps, inspired BY the Redstone campus at the University of Vermont.
  3. Both Redstone campus and Disney have restaurant(s) and convenience store(s). Coincidence? Probably not.
  4. The Redstone campus and Disney are both home to some of the nation’s greatest eyesores. The Redstone lofts and the Epcot ball cause any tourist to vomit on site.
  5. Both Redstone campus and Disney have 150,000 gallons of water on the premises. In fact, Disney’s Splash Mountain uses 950,000 gallons of water, which is pretty much the same as 150,000.
  6. Both Redstone campus and Disney have a large mascot, horrifying costumed mascot. Disney has a mouse, while UVM has a cat, perhaps to express WDW-dominance.
  7. Both Redstone campus and Disney are only bearable under the influence.
  8. The Redstone campus was used as military barracks for two years in 1943, and Disney has an entire military resort. 
  9. Embezzlement.
  10. UVM and Disney both have four campuses, each with their respective similarities:
    1. Redstone: Magic Kingdom, because this is where the magic happens, obviously.
    2. Central: Epcot.
    3. Trinity: Animal Kingdom, because no one wants to go there and often forgets it exists. Best place to find hard drugs.
    4. Athletic: Hollywood Studios, because the best rides are here. I was once in Harris when an air conditioning unit exploded due to a bunch of first years beating the fuck out of it. That is straight-up Muppet shit. (found in Hollywood studios)

This is by no means an exhaustive list, and if there are any more connections you’d like to add, or any disputes you’d like to have about the campus-park connections, please don’t hesitate to email me at president@uvm.edu.

Categories: April 20th 2021, around town, b.s.

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