smoke sesh with suresh

by katlipari

POV: You’re in Suresh’s mansion, other than what has been seen on the news about the $1.3 million renovations done to the President’s house, the public does not know much about this estate. You will find similarities to Gretchen Weiner’s hair, as Damian once said, “that’s why her hair is so big…it’s full of secrets” the expansive garden is intriguing as well as the clear view to the Frat House across the street. But what is most interesting is in the stairwell to the basement, lined with past UVM board of trustees and their strain of choice. The usual, Indica, Sativa, after 2008 Pineapple Express was a common choice. He continues to lead you to the basement and opens a hidden door by pulling a book titled Rich People Problems. From there you enter a dimly lit room filled only with a small circular table and assorted cushions to sit on, very That 70s Show meets Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt bunker vibes. This is the smoke sesh with Suresh. 

caroline flynn

Now smoking with Suresh is a once in a lifetime experience, I am a bit shocked he did not have me sign an NDA, however he did try to make me venmo him for the weed, which surprised me a bit. I responded by telling him to just cut another CAS program, he did not find that very funny…later into the session I discovered that these department cuts are not for the school, rather to fund his weed problem, someone call the Wellness Environment ASAP!

A big question I pondered going into this experience was “how does Suresh smoke?” I could not imagine him knowing how to roll a joint and a bit too classy for edibles and quickly my question was answered. Suresh pulled out what looked like a piccolo case, or maybe clarinet, he slowly opened it to reveal a long pristine pipe, the faint noise of angels’ voices could be heard when he opened the case. 

Another question I had going into this smoke sesh was what kind of high is Suresh? I was hoping not the paranoid high, definitely not a jittery excited high…After a few long draws of his pipe and surprisingly very few coughs, I discovered that he was more of a mellow, silent high, coming from someone who is more of an “I need to do things or else I will overthink my entire existence” high that is the worst possible outcome. During his meditative moment, I found the silence wildly uncomfortable. I mean, I am smoking with the UVM president…how wack is that. So I began to fill up this vastly empty room with my thoughts and figured maybe Suresh is good for something and he has some wisdom to offer. And thus it began, my many unanswered questions: “Do you think we’re running out of last names? Like if one partner takes the other’s last name and so on aren’t we going to lose a bunch of last names until there’s only a few left? Is that a thing? Also how is the world in debt? Who is it owed to? Riddle me this, as of right now there is no evidence to prove that I am not immortal, right?” 

It was at that point that Suresh led me out of the house and told me to never come back.

Categories: April 20th 2021, caroline flynn, kat lipari, reflections

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