by mayoman

You’ve just taken several heroic hits from your housemate’s 20-inch bong. The munchies have set in. Your Uber eats order is on its way, a car entirely loaded to the brim with fries. In excitement and preparation for your glowing pile of carbohydrates, you check the fridge for ketchup, for fries must be dipped. Terror begins to fill your body as the fridge door shows no sign of your red lady. You scour the rest of the fridge, each shelf showing no sign of dipping euphoria. Surely it’s not in the vegetable drawer? Desperation sets in. You know you have no ice cream, yet you check the freezer for at least SOMETHING to dip your salt sticks in. Nothing. All you are left with is an egg at room temperature, a clove of garlic, a lemon, salt, pepper, and a cup of THC-Infused canola oil you made the other day that you were planning on making brownies with. You remember that in Belgium, the most popular condiment for fry dipping is mayonnaise. 

stuck inwellness

Belgians made waffles, so they must know shit about food. All the ingredients are in front of you to make a killer edible mayo. The only thing that beats eating food while high is eating food that gets you more high. Lest, the Uber driver is only 5 minutes away. Rest assured, this is ample time given this method takes about 20 seconds. The only tool required is a stick/immersion blender, any cheap $20 model will do. They’re great for soups, too. You will then need any cylindrical container that is just slightly wider than the head of the blender. Once you have your ingredients and tools, do as follows:

1. Crack the egg in your vessel, drop in the clove of garlic 
2. Season generously with salt and pepper (cold sauces require more seasoning)
3. Cut a lemon in half, squeeze the juice of one half of the lemon into the mixture.
4. Stick the head of the blender into the mixture and lay it flat at the base of the container
5. Stream in the full cup of infused oil (use something flavorless, like canola or grapeseed. DO NOT use olive oil)
6. Start the blender. What should happen is that the oil is streamed down into the egg where they are beaten together so furiously that they bind and form mayo.

It’s really that easy, just in time for you to chow down on your order of RJ’s (the water tower loves RJ’s). Mayonnaise is much better when you make it yourself. This rich, creamy, garlicky sauce pairs perfectly with fries or whatever you want mayo for, no judgment.

Categories: April 20th 2021, creative