dangerous foods to eat while high

by gordonramsey

It’s finally here! It’s 4/20! Unfortunately COVID has likely changed many people’s plans from coughing it up on the Redstone Green to staying in with a few friends. Of course this means that the snack lineup will be more important than ever. You likely have your favorite go to snacks, but in case you were thinking about expanding this year we wanted to warn you of foods you should definitely avoid. These are 5 of the most dangerous foods to eat while high. 

  1. A Single Bang Energy  
    1. This might be common sense but we all know that weed isn’t known for its logic-enhancing properties. No matter how little you think caffeine affects you I’m telling you that shit will be like Godzilla v.s Kong in your bloodstream. One minute you mellowing out, settling it for the night and the next you’re ready to fight god. You’ll go back and forth between craving the sensation of a bean bag, and ready to absolutely fuck up a calculus exam until the caffeine eventually leaves your system. At that point you’ll likely pass the fuck out. 
  2. Charcuterie Board 
    1. It will make you cry. If you are among the normal populous you’ll probably just cry over how beautiful it is. Even if it’s a paper plate with broken saltines and a whole block of cheese, it’s the thought that counts and it’s enough to make anyone lose it. If you are part of the legions of poor souls with lactose intolerance, you’re in for a whole other experience. You already know you’re gonna forget you can’t eat cheese and halfway through you’ll have to go lay down on the bathroom floor. You’ll probably be crying and farting. 
  3. Anything Miniature
    1. Mini club crackers. Mini cupcakes. Mini M&Ms. Self-explanatory 
  4. Sprite 
    1. Sprite is dangerous for multiple reasons. If you’re a paranoid smoker, then just the fizz alone could send you over the edge. Let me walk you through it. You pour a glass of Sprite until the bubbles reach the top. You turn around to put it away and when you turn back there’s approximately 1 inch of liquid in the glass. You think “what if someone snuck in and drank it while I wasn’t looking!” You tell yourself that’s dumb but later while you’re sipping on your Sprite you get scared that the carbonation is going to burn a hole in your esophagus. If this sounds like you, avoid all sprite, especially McDonald’s sprite. MCDONALD’S SPRITE WILL KILL YOU! 
  5. Cosmic Brownies 
    1. The holy grail of dangerous foods. Not only are they so good you might eat the whole box and then vomit violently, they are a deadly combo with dry mouth. Shit will stick to the roof of your mouth and get stuck in your cheeks. It will make you feel like a dog with peanut butter in its mouth, and if you weren’t so high it would be a very humiliating experience. If you do choose to brave these chocolatey snacks, you need to have laser focus to chew and swallow each bite in a timely manner. 

saliva pussy-eyes

Well, there it is! Hopefully this list has provided you with some good insight. If you choose to ignore this list and literally die I can’t say I’ll be surprised (it’s been very well researched and tested). Happy smoking!

Categories: April 20th 2021, bonus