I’m not mad, just disappointed. Because of the guest policy? Nope. Partiers who just can’t quit? No. Suresh’s lengthy salt and pepper stache? Absolutely not, it’s luxurious. No, of all things, I am most disappointed in the blue emergency lights.
When I toured UVM in the Fall of 2019, it was not the first college I’d visited. My enthusiasm was mild at best, nothing had really caught my eye yet. I’d even seen the infamous blue lights at practically every other campus. But here…something about them just spoke to me. They were different, in the best way possible. When I looked at the blue lights at other campuses, I felt nothing. Some scared me. I felt like the snow meiser himself was staring into my soul. Some brought me immeasurable pain, like the little blue bitch from inside out was the dictator of all blue lights. But here, my heart skipped a beat. I felt like I was at Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory! I could taste blue raspberry and feel the cool splash of pool water on a hot summer day. It felt familiar and safe. It was at that moment that I decided to spend the next four years on this campus.
Fast forward a year, I arrive on campus already accepting a subpar college experience. But hey, the blue lights can’t get COVID, right? Imagine my disappointment when I walk down the steps of the Davis Center for the first time expecting to see a line of blue lights guiding me home, and instead I see “OUT OF ORDER” body bags slipped over half of them! What am I supposed to do now? How am I supposed to admire campus without the safety of the cool blue glow around me. The path to Central seems even more depressing than it already is. There’s no blue to distract me from the fact that I’m walking TOWARD Central on a Friday night. There’s no blue light to keep me safe on my way to the bus stop, where I might encounter a maskless man on the ride downtown. There’s no blue jolly rancher taste in my mouth, just nasty mask breath.
In what I assume is a pathetic attempt to remedy this situation, UVM set up fire pits in front of the Davis Center. I’m not sure if whoever pitched this idea was blind or just plain stupid, but FIRE ISN’T BLUE. Blue is cool water licking my toes on a brilliant summer day. Orange, hot fire hurts my toes when I stick my feet in it and it makes me all sweaty. The fit pits bring me no comfort, and to even try and compare them to the regal blue lights is a crime in itself.
I hope this article will be motivation enough for the university to make these fixes. If no change is made soon, I will be forced to take more desperate action, such as starting a Change.org petition. UVM, you have been warned.
Categories: April 6 2021, reflections