the church of skatholicism

by owencarpenter-zehe

Does this sound familiar? You are sleeping one morning in your bed clad in boring sheets that are one solid boring color. Your default apple or android alarm begins to go off, shaking you abruptly awake. You shower, brush your teeth and get dressed. You keep it simple, jeans, a graphic t-shirt, and a jacket. You stumble over to your dull breakfast, listening to your generic rock or pop music (gross!).  Finally, you leave for the day, going to school? Breakfast? Work? It doesn’t matter, all the options are dull and not interesting. You are just another cog in the machine of the bourgeois, drifting mindlessly your unfulfilling life.

But what if I told you there was a solution; a way to break free. What if instead of your regular routine you begin sleeping on interesting and cool colored checkerboard sheets. You wake up to the soothing and exquisite sounds of Reel Big Fish. With the beautiful up-beats and trumpets swirling around in your ears. You take a shower and brush your teeth, but this time you don’t put on regular old boring clothes. You go to your closet and dawn your Checkerboard short, then put on your plain white button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up. You tuck in your shirt and now it’s time for the suspenders, which are of course checkerboards. Finally, the accessories, checkered vans, fedora, and the most important piece… the wallet chain. You go eat breakfast and skank the whole way. Finally, you leave for the day and skank out the door. To where? Who knows? It could be protesting, going to an awesome concert, or comparing wallet chains, it doesn’t really matter. Either way, it is more interesting than your normal life.

This could be you, all you need to do is join the best ideology ever created on this earth; the ska fans. I know what you might be thinking, I know it’s not 1994? But even though it’s been twenty-five years since it was popular it is still by far the best. Ska has bits for everyone, if you are coming from a rock background you will love the punchy guitar riffs. If you come from jazz you’ll appreciate the booming and interesting horn section. No matter the genre you’ll find something to enjoy in this punk music. Come join us and you’ll see the truth. Oh, we also have Gwen Stephani.

Ska also has the best musical element of all, the upbeat. The sound that checkered shoes make on the dance floor. What is there to say on the immaculate up-beat; once the mmm-cha gets into your soul you will be forever morphed. It takes over your bones, physically forcing you to get up and boogie. Then there’s the dance… the skank. The beautiful and graceful dance where you kick your legs frantically and erratically into the air. But when you do it make sure your fists are clenched. Ballet? Please, when I want to cry looking at a beautiful dance I just look up skanking videos. This combo is the chef’s kiss of human advancement. 

When ska enters your heart, you will forever be changed. What I like to call, “checkerboard punk” lifestyle is not an easy one. Skanking instead of walking everywhere is very exhausting, and fighting the good fight all day every day is not easy either. But it is worth doing to feel the salvation of Ska. Come join our ranks, let Aaron Barrett, lead singer of Reel Big Fish, baptize, and confirm you into the church of ska. Your life will never be the same. Ska saved by soul, and let it save yours. There is one true god, and it is Ska.

Categories: march 23 2021, owen carpenter, tunes

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