by chadthunderdome and marymagdalene-bonboulash
Burlington, VT: home of UVM, Lake Champlain, and one of the most notorious serial killers ever born
We here at the water tower pride ourselves on being Burlington Vermont’s premier news source. That means when we know what’s up, we’ll let you know what’s up as well; reporting on serial killers born in Burlington are no exception to this rule.
Bundy’s life began with his birthplace at the Elizabeth Lund Home for Unwed Mothers which is just a short walk away from the redstone apartments (coincidence??). Theodore Robert Cowell was brought into this world in a building you likely have driven past, and this building is crucial to understanding him and his killing sprees that occured in the 70’s.
It was in this building that Bundy’s grandparents agreed to take care of him, under the notion that they were not his grandparents, but actually his true parents, and that his mother was actually his older sister. Twenty three years later, he discovered his birth certificate and the lies he had been told. This resulted in a lifelong resentment towards his mother for never talking to him about his true father and for leaving him to find out the reality of his parentage on his own.
This anger caused him to kill, and to exponentially kill more and more. Sometimes, his hunger led to killing innocent woman up to twice a day in 74’. What is lesser known is how he was able to quell the monster inside, the one person who was able to quench the flames of anger roaring within him: Diana Frances Spencer. The angel that she is, Diana began writing letters to prisoners in 79’. By chance, her and Bundy became pen pals, becoming close with eachother in the years leading to Bundy’s “death sentence.” I mean, Diana had a heart so pure she could become friends with anyone, even the most notorious serial killer of the 20th century.
Her sun is in cancer, her moon in aquarius and rising in sagittarius. What mystique, class and intrigue here – she’s like the World Series of women. She also has pluto, mars and uranus and her north node in the eighth house; the eighth house represents death and rebirth amongst other things. This is MEGA… Diana’s tragic passing is indicated by these placements; it is also these placements which lead her path to cross with that of Ted.
Oprah’s absolutely earth-shattering interview with Meghan and Harry took the Twitter world by storm and has once again brought the royal family tea to the forefront of the water tower’s attention. The royal family is racist? No way…
Nostalgia of Diana’s revenge dress from her breakout interview decades earlier had us yearning for a greater understanding of her death. For many years, people have theorized that the royal family conspired to kill Diana. We finally found the proof.
Right before Bundy faced the electric chair, his correspondence between Diana became less frequent, and when they would write, he was angry. During this time, Queen Elizabeth the II herself signed several checks in varying amounts to the Florida State Prison. We believe that this money was given to the prison in order to actually release Bundy from prison, rather than execute him. With his newfound freedom, he would spend years plotting a way to murder his final victim: Princess Diana.
After waiting nine years, they finally met in Paris for the first and last time. Bundy was supplied a Harley-Davidson by the royal family and he rammed the mercedes benz Diana was being chauffeured within. The car crashed into the side of the Pont de l’Alma tunnel, and the ensuring crash killed them both. The royal family had paid for facial reconstruction surger, so nobody recongized he body to be Bundy’s. Diana, Princess of Wales is a sexy, smart lady who did not deserve to get killed by the foul English monarchy. She is still the princess of our hearts. We miss her fondly. Stay sexy and don’t get murdered.
Categories: front page, march 23 2021