best places on campus to have an existential crisis

by emmaburns

We’ve all been there, feeling the dread of existence and the steady passing of time, forced to confront our deepest insecurities, crippled with anxiety over any number of events big or small while we’re waiting in line for food or rushing to class. Don’t you wish there were places that accommodated those feelings so you could just go through the motions in peace without worrying about the literal thousands of eyes staring at you? Well, you’re in luck because I have compiled a handy list of the Best Places On Campus To Have An Existential Crisis (from personal experience)!

  1. Second Floor of the Howe Library

All that eerie silence and fluorescent lighting? Perfect ambiance for your next realization of mortality. There are tons of desks to sit down at and stare into nothing as nervous energy courses through you. Or if you’re feeling a bit more adventurous, try meandering through the aisles of books barely registering the titles until you find the perfect place on the floor to sit and curl into yourself. There are a fair amount of people here but let’s be honest, everyone is just a blur to each other in the library anyway. 

  1. The Underground Student Passway in the Davis Center (Specifically After 8pm) 

After 8pm, this place clears out fast, leaving an empty space that’s perfectly designed to make you feel like you’re in a fever dream! Disorienting music and changing colors coupled with the bright purple walls means that you have all you could ever need to immerse yourself in fear of the future. Next time you’re there alone, try walking slowly while contemplating the innate uncertainty of life and see for yourself!

  1. The Amphitheater on Athletic Campus (Specifically After 9pm)

When you reach the point of stress where you feel like life has no meaning anymore, head on down to the amphitheater on Athletic, crane your neck to look at the stars, and maybe even dance hysterically because literally who fucking cares (shout out to the icon in Harris Millis who provided the soundtrack that one night). Surrounded by the stairs on one side, you can huddle against cold stone and have a good sob if you’re looking for a more private option.  

  1. The Parking Lot of the Interfaith Center

Surrounded by trees, gravel, and ugly architecture, it’s the perfect place to let rip a primal scream and kick shit to your hearts content.  It’s also excellent for your dramatic coming of age movie moment where you spread out your arms and surrender to the unknown. Plus, they’ve got tea and snacks there which means you can refuel after an intense session of thinking about all the time in your life that you have wasted. 

  1. Your Own Bed

A tried and true classic, try wrapping yourself in a blanket cocoon and just crying it out the old fashioned way. Sometimes the best medicine for the constant feeling that a dark void of nothingness is closing in on you is to drammttically fling yourself onto your mattress and stare at the wall while hugging a pillow. Maybe call a friend and talk it out together. And drink some water please. It will definitely help.

Categories: around town, emma burns, march 23 2021