dos and don’ts of the covid wait line

by kelseydeemer

With testing ramping up to two tests a week, UVM students are spending more time in the davis center COVID line than ever. It’s our duty at the water tower to supply students with entertainment, especially in boring circumstances. We would line the WRUV hallway with water tower newsstands, filled with our reading material, if not for the cynic laying claim to that territory. We can, however, provide you with a comprehensive lists of dos and don’ts to make the most of your COVID testing experience. 


feel the quickly accumulating hand sanitizer crust on the door handles

Open up on your smartphone and start a 10 minute game with an online opponent

peer into the WRUV windows longingly

get caught up on WandaVision, which is good apparently

stand exactly on each and every little dot like the cog in the machine you are

fuck it jump from dot to dot and play a game of the floor is lava

compare natal charts with the COVID testing employee after they ask about your DOB

go to the correct table as instructed by the 

tell your testing proctor to have a good day


make a saliva smoothie with the person behind you

gargle with the hand sanitizer

bring a picnic lunch

leave your headphones in for too long and then fumble with them in front of the covid testing employee, holding up the entire line and disrupting everyone’s day 

wear a weak outfit

blow a snot rocket directly into the tube

forget to go to the bathroom beforehand

ask your testing proctor if you can go pee halfway through the nasal swabbing

bring fake pee with you

Categories: around town, kelsey deemer, march 9 2021

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