ch-ch-ch-changes or a m-m-mental break?

by sophiespencer

As a harsh winter fades slowly and falsely into mud season, I am tired. I am tired of the everyday bundle, of the necessity to brace myself as I step out of any indoor enclosure, of the monotony of the snow and the grime as it collects. Maybe that’s the beauty of spring, the slow and cyclical awakening after a winter of stagnancy, but my west coast, sun-loving soul is over it! I’m done! Give me sun! Give me something new! If you feel the same, let’s kvetch together. 

For a little background context on me: I am a fiery Aries. I like to burn it down to build it up; impulsive is my middle name. So when I’m feeling the nag of stagnancy, my first reaction (and the only reasonable one to my brain) is to shake things up. Stir up the pot of life. Make some change and bring myself back to the excitement of life. And in the past two weeks, oh boy has that been my aesthetic. I’ve got a big spoon and the whirlpool in the cauldron that is my life is at full force. Poached eggs have never come out tighter. My witches spells are falling from my mouth at an alarming speed. Be grateful, reader, that I do not type them now. Their presence, in writing even, is enough to throw you into a surge of action-oriented passion. 

sophie spencer

On this journey, a question has followed me from hair color consultation email to U-Haul rental website, from California apartment rental searches to Craigslist roommate listings: is this my intuition leading me to what’s next, following my power, or is this a full mental break? Because dear reader, the symptoms are scarily similar. Yet I have come to the conclusion that it is the intention behind the change that pushes the action over the very, very fine line. 

If, say, you feel the urge to bleach your hair just to feel something. A stagnancy-fueled hair dye suggests a 2007 Britney moment, but that is not always the case! A mental break hair dye checklist would include a late-night run to the nearest CVS, a $7 box of Loreal hair bleach, and a head of hair brassier than a french horn. The line here rides on the impulsivity of the bleach. If your color consultation email uses an appropriate amount of exclamation points and you do your necessary Pinteresting for inspiration, then congratulations. This is the beautiful work of your intuition. Wait for that email back, and change up your look. 

Let’s say you’re planning a cross country move amidst a global pandemic. This is a bit of a harder sell for an intuition-guided action, but let’s give it a shot. A mental break change of scenery would bring about constant Craigslist listing of all of your most beloved pieces of furniture. Hell, you might even list your cat Gus (he just doesn’t do well in cars!). All heavily underpriced. All “must be gone by the end of day tomorrow”. You would be moved and gone in 3-5 business days. Who needs planning when your impulsivity is the basis of your decision making? The other side of that line is the planning, the waiting for a safer time to travel, the realization of the desire and the patience to do it right. Yes, it will still stress your mom out to no end, but you will at least have answers to some of her questions, or at least the trust in the feeling to not let her doubts become your own. We all crave sun and warmth, especially going on month four of Vermont winter–I get it. But maybe do some planning, huh?

All in all, there is a very fine line between intuition-based change and a mental break, and I am walking it right now. I rest easy knowing that my hours spent Pinteresting aren’t for naught, but I still wonder sometimes. If you see me in a couple weeks with few possessions, a fully-packed car, and a head of brassy blonde straw hair, I’m off to San Francisco. Peace and love to BTV.

Categories: march 9 2021, reflections, sophie spencer

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