UVM’s extended course catalogue for remote college experience

by annikaringen

UVM is… a little different this year, and, especially for those students at home, it is far from an episode of Blue Mountain State. At-home students are missing out on many of the things that make up UVM’s college atmosphere, not to mention they live with their parents. UVM, recognizing this, has put together an extended course catalogue, available for at-home students, with the intention of supplementing the college experience with online courses. 

BARS101- Bar Theory

This course examines a wide range of topics that encompass the Burlington bar scene. In studying bar theory, students will gain a critical understanding of bars and their constituents. Material covered over the course of the semester includes drink orders (long island iced tea, trashcans, PBRs, Jägerbombs etc.), cover charges, fake IDs, thirsty Thursday, calculating a tip while tipsy, duff hour, and Wednesday margs at El Gato. This is an upper level course, therefore students are expected to come in with knowledge of the art of pregaming. The final exam will be a virtual bar crawl; points will be awarded for higher BAC and deducted for yacking. 

Prerequisite: junior standing or bouncer permission

Instructor: Anita Drync

DORM100- Exploring Dormitories

The dorm room is a quintessential aspect of college life. This course explores the various implications of living in a 12×19 room with 1-2 strangers who, by the end of the semester, will know way too much about you. Students will receive instruction on how to decorate their shoebox sized space (i.e. Christmas lights, UVM pennant, Grateful Dead poster, hallway whiteboards, etc.), how to finesse RA checks (hide your Jack Daniels and predatory fish!), and how to monopolize the common room. The material covered over the duration of this course includes, but is not limited to, fire drills, noise complaints, ambulances outside of dorm, getting locked out, and res hall kitchen etiquette.

Instructor: Rez Hauls

PRTY001- Intro to Parties

PRTY001 provides an introductory-level overview of UVM parties. Throughout the course, students study music choice, LED light settings, themes, Caturdays, frat tickets, the best scrubbing techniques to get the X off the back of your hand, basics of pong, finding a formal date on short notice, flip cup techniques, and keg stands. There will be one required reading for this course: The Person Grinding on You: Friend or Freak? by Ima Hoarr, PhD. The final exam consists of a recital of Mr. Brightside with a BAC of at least .15. Grading is contingent upon accuracy and demonstration of crunkness with more points awarded for better performance and higher level of intoxication.

Instructor: Chit Faist

LDRY028- Independent Laundry Study

The task of completing laundry is an essential skill acquired during college. This independent study is a hands-on course that gives students direct exposure to the proceedings of the in-college laundry system. In the duration of the course students will exclusively use the ‘normal’ washer setting (fuck ‘permanent press’), leave a load in the washer too long and have it removed by another student, forget to clean the lint out of the dryer screen thing, participate in waiting competitions for the next available washer, and lose at least one sock. Students should also, by the end of the semester, have a greater understanding of how to sort loads by fabric type and color but never actually do it.

Instructor: Dur T. Close

SEX069- Topics in Intercourse

SEX069 analyzes UVM’s affluent hookup culture. From Tinder to Bumble, this course illustrates the countless methods of finding a hookup on campus. Students will be expected to familiarize themselves with the following terminology: fuckbuddy, walk of shame, super like, left on read, DTF, ghosting, thirst trap, curve, and “6’2 if it matters.” In addition, this course will demonstrate how to take advantage of on-campus resources such as mixers, condoms from Living Well, and @uvmmissedconnections. To dovetail our discussion there will be one required reading: From Sock on the Door to ‘I Need the Room Tonight’ Texts, The Evolution of Sexiling by Dr. Ivana Hafsechs.

Instructor: Bo Nme

FSHM015- First Year Nutrition

Offered exclusively to first year students, this course acts as nutritional guide to ensure underclassmen gain the Freshman 15. Throughout the semester, this course will delve into topics in dining halls, such as making the most of your meal swipes, the art of sneaking out food, and how to find a seat in Central during lunch rush. By the end of this course, you will have a comprehensive knowledge of the following subject matter: Brennans, New World Tortilla, University Marché, The Skinny Pancake, Yerba Mate, Late Night Grundle, Feel Good, and Redstone Market.

Instructor: O. Verwait

NBR020- Naked Bike Ride 2020

The Naked Bike Ride, a longstanding and beloved UVM tradition, will now be accessible for remote students! What would otherwise be a missed opportunity for those students who elected the at-home option has been adapted into a one-time lab to be performed remotely at the end of the semester. For the lab, students will replicate the event in their own neighborhoods. In preparation, students are to map out a course that is sufficiently similar to the one at UVM. On the day of the lab, December 4th, to most effectively simulate the college atmosphere, students should encourage their (preferably drunk) neighbors, friends, and family to line the street. Students are to complete the entirety of the course regardless of variable conditions or extent of intoxication. The expectation is that you will bike the course; you may choose to run it, however points will be deducted.

Instructor: Danglyn Balz

WTHR032- Seminar in Burlington Weather

This seminar style course looks closely at the weather patterns specific to the Burlington area, the general rule of thumb of which is ‘if you don’t like the weather now, just wait a few minutes.’ Students should expect to experience high winds, snow, hail, sleet, rain, and flooding, perhaps all in the same day. By understanding such bipolarity, students will be able to thoughtfully encounter slippery sidewalks, subzero temperatures, parking lot snow piles, the Central wind tunnel, downtown puddles, ice falling off of Old Mill, waterfront sunsets, and slush. Additionally, this course emphasizes the importance of checking the weather and understanding the difference with and without wind chill. By the end of the course, students will be able to use their better judgement to decide what kind of coat to wear on their way to class.

Instructor: Cole Dasfuc

Please note that some of the above mentioned courses will be offered online for students who elected the in-person option as well since the material covered in courses such as PRTY001 will not be available on campus this year. 

Categories: annika ringen, around town, November 17, 2020

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