turning point takes over UVM

By: elizaligon

At this point, any staff member of Turning Point should suspect that engagement from a UVM student is probably part of an elaborate prank. One such Turning Point representative (we’ll call him “Don”) was not so wise to our ways, and fell right into the trap of my dear friend and a club leader in the UVM community (we’ll call him “Joe”). Perhaps desperation brought Don to Joe’s club, but for whatever reason, Don found himself requesting a meeting with Joe in hopes of indoctrinating some UVM students. Joe gave me a call, knowing that only the expert journalism of The Water Tower could uncover the skeletons that are hiding in Don’s closet. 

The conversation with Don was quite revealing. The Turning Point Campus Leadership Project entails a yearly Leadership Summit, as well as other initiatives to identify and empower on-campus leaders. Don says that his goal is to aid student leaders in their endeavors to reach their full potential. But what is that “potential” and how is it reached? Turning Point thinks especially highly of those involved with student government at nationwide colleges. Is this because student government is a parallel for the government of the USA, allowing students some semblance of a real life experience? OR (more likely) does Turning Point seek governmental representatives because they think that the power to overthrow the school lies in student government?

Don made it very clear that Turning Point is a non-partisan group; however, with funding from groups like the Heritage Foundation, that seems suspicious. The Heritage Foundation is very clear that they promote conservative values. You may be asking yourself, “what, other than racism and sexism, are conservative values?” Turning Point and the Heritage Foundation are aligned on some core ideals. This includes free speech (read: right to verbally threaten anyone), strong national defense (read: right to threaten other countries), and pro-American values (read: right to threaten those who do not fit the ideal image of a white elite.)  Why is Don hiding Turning Point’s conservative values? Is Don ashamed? Why don’t these values appeal to UVM students?

This may come as a surprise to some of our readers, but UVM has never had high representation at Turning Point events. In fact, for their Leadership Summit, we have had NO representatives. This makes me worried about the state of our beloved school. What have we become without our Pro-American values? Don informed Joe that he had reached out to many clubs and organizations on campus, but to no avail! Shame, UVM. SHAME!

Don and I are both lost. What has he done wrong? He offered a free, all-inclusive vacation to Florida this December. That should be enough of a bribe to get SOMEONE to go! When asked if he was worried about the spread of coronavirus, Don soothed our fears. You see, the governor of Florida has kept the state open (hence the location) and if Ron DeSantis says it’s good to go, who would we be to judge? Plus, as we all know, in-person activities are just sooooo much better! Who cares about the lives lost, so long as our future Republicans have time to network. Besides, they are taking precautions. Social distancing will be enforced, and there will be hand sanitizers everywhere! You UVM students are probably wondering about the mask policy. Well, there isn’t one… UVM is just soooo controlling, you should break up with her and come to Florida. 😉

Don and I understand if you don’t want to come to Florida. 🙁 Thankfully, it would only take one or two UVM representatives to spread conservative values like wildfire, or yknow… covid. Plus, Don and I are working on drafting a bill that will allow concealed carry on UVM campus, so if you choose NOT to submit to our pro-American ideals, we’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse. To conclude: there is nothing suspicious to see here. You should not fear Turning Point. If you go quietly, it will be easiest for all involved. 

Categories: eliza ligon, news, November 17, 2020

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