microwave my nuts

by benduhamel

sophie spencer

Let’s find out. Here at the water tower we resurrect your
favorite bits of late 2000s nostalgia because nobody likes dead
nostalgia. Today, we’re gonna be digging up the (semi-)popular
youtube series “Is it a good idea to microwave this” by
JogWheel. The name could not explain it any better. Jory
Caron, faithful sidekick Riley McLLwean, and cameraperson
Jonathan Paula microwave various objects in order to
determine whether or not it is a good idea to do so. There are
over 300 items that they have microwaved including but not
limited to, propane tanks, air bags, spray paint cans, gasoline,
tickle me elmos, other microwaves, the list goes on and on.
You’re probably saying “microwaving propane must
be deemed a terrible idea, I mean it must explode like a
bomb” and you’d be half right. It totally does explode and
is incredibly unsafe (the water tower is not liable for any
microwave related or any other injuries), but Jory and Riley
will absolutely tell you that it is a good idea simply because
it blew up: and that kicks ass. Safety is somewhat a concern
at the Jory Caron Microwave Laboratory, and they are not
amateurs at microwaving Hannah Montana Pens, in fact
their “laboratory” is equipped with large ventilation fans, a
fire extinguisher, a door between them and the microwave
room, and the door is donned with a tin foil shield to “protect
our nuts, because nobody likes roasted nuts”.
Danger is still ever present when dealing with microwaves
and microwaving random objects. Perhaps the most dangerous
episode is #167 when an airbag is microwaved. The airbag is set

to rest in it’s chamber of electromagnetic radiation for 10:00,
Jory presses start, and runs to the door. With 9:56 still remaining
on the timer, the airbag explodes and launches the microwave

door out to the window on the door, shattering it instantly.
Fortunately, Jory shut the door with 14 milliseconds to spare.
They notice the explosion, realize the window is shattered, and

turn the light on. Missing from the laboratory is the microwave,
Summer (they name the microwaves), and realize that the tin
foil shield actually did work and it did actually protect their nuts.
Summer was launched back from the force of the explosion
and the door was launched at the door, then ricocheted into
Jory’s driveway 30ft away. Jory and Rory hoist up the battered
and warped body of Summer and victoriously say “good idea”.
Despite the fact that they could have just died, Good Idea.
There is also a ritual for microwaves that have passed
on, as whenever they die they are given a montage of what
experiments they took part in over some early youtube
default sad music. Microwaves did not live for very long,
as when microwaved items do not explode they often melt,
catch fire, or burn holes through themselves. There have been
41 microwaves employed by the laboratory, and each one of
them holds a special place in my heart.
I hope now that if you are ever questioning whether or
not it is a good idea to microwave your CatCard or your
roommate’s leftovers, you may look to Jory, Ryan, and Jon for
insight. If not for microwave related query, you may simply
enjoy some dudes dicking around with microwaves and
blowing shit up. The jokes have aged a bit poorly, much like
The Office, so maybe any Office fans will have something else
to talk about if they like this show. Probably notg

Categories: ben duhamel, November 17, 2020, review

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